Tuesday | March 31, 2015
Bill Would Ban Masturbating While Driving

WASHINGTON (CAP) - The habits of thousands of American drivers could be changing as early as next year if paperwork filed by Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-OK) can gain traction in the Senate. The proposed bill would ban two-handed masturbation while behind the wheel.

"You need at least one hand to operate a motor vehicle," Inhofe told the Washington Post. "And if you can't take care of the rest of your business with just one hand, then perhaps you shouldn't be driving."

While Inhofe's proposal would ban only two-handed masturbation, others say they would like to see an outright ban on self-pleasurement while in the driver's seat. As such, some lawmakers fear the bill could wither and die before it ever sees the light of day.

"One hand or two, jacking off while driving is dangerous," said Sen. John Walsh (D-MT). "It takes someone's attention away from the road for those precious seconds when the feeling of elation rushes through your loins.

"And if you aren't paying attention, the results can be devastating," said Walsh. "And messy."

Many states have laws that ban negligent driving, which technically covers any driving behavior that could endanger other people or property. However, the legislature has been hesitant in the past to put specific restrictions on any sexual activity conducted within the confines of a vehicle during operation.

"Listen, our lawmakers are quite cognizant of the hypocritical factor," said one senator's aide who spoke to CAP News on the condition of anonymity. "So as this bill gains public momentum, I think you're going to find more and more Congressman moving out of their vehicles and into public restrooms.

"Really, it's just smart politics," the aide added.

A similar measure making its way through the House of Representatives seeks a total ban on such sexual practices for teenage drivers, easing back to one hand at age 21 and totally removing any restriction by age 25.

- CAP News Staff

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