Wednesday | April 1, 2015
St Louis Traffic Cone Arrangers Walk Off Job
St. Louis traffic cone arrangers picket alongside the River des Peres.

ST LOUIS (CAP) - Traffic into and out of St. Louis, Mo. was snarled for hours yesterday after the Union of Traffic Cone Arrangers called a strike and pulled its workers off the roadways right in the middle of the overnight work shift.

"The problem is, not only do these guys put the cones down, but they also pick them up," said DOT Regional Director Ed Hassinger. "As a result, it was like we've only had half the highway space for our commuters in the morning."

However, commuters like Bob Tay, who works in Laclede's Landing, said half was being generous. "Are you kidding me? I could have walked across King Bridge faster than I drove it with that left lane all blocked off. You mean no one else can pick up the cones?"

No, said St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay. He said the agreement with the union stated explicitly that only union workers could even touch the traffic cones. And Slay said trying to find someone willing to cross the picket lines has been impossible.

"We've reached out to traffic cone engineers in Chicago, Kansas City and Springfield, but no one wants to be a scab," said Slay. "So until we can figure this one out, commuters should expect some tough, tough rides ahead."

Slay said the city has posted job listings on various job seeker websites to hire new traffic cone engineers, but even if a dozen qualified candidates come forward today, it will take some time to bring them up to speed.

"You don't just stick a guy in the back of a truck leaning out over the roadway to pick up cones," said Slay. "We'll be in lawsuit city if that guy slips and falls."

One of the sticking points of the latest proposal before negotiators is liberal use of the term "coneheads" to describe traffic cone engineers. Union and city officials are expected to be back at the bargaining table today.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE business NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Burger King announces plans to remove unhealthy options from kids meals, will offer empty boxes for $1.99 «» Porn website '2 Fat Chicks And A Concrete Barrel' files lawsuit against Black Lives Matter for trademark infringement following highway protest in Boston «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «» A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» New survey finds 73% of Americans feel like a nut 54% of the time, while 63% of Americans don't 47% of the time «» New York latest state to ban sneezing while driving, calling it the third most distracting event for drivers behind texting and masturbation «»
Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Burger King announces plans to remove unhealthy options from kids meals, will offer empty boxes for $1.99 «» Porn website '2 Fat Chicks And A Concrete Barrel' files lawsuit against Black Lives Matter for trademark infringement following highway protest in Boston «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «» A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» New survey finds 73% of Americans feel like a nut 54% of the time, while 63% of Americans don't 47% of the time «» New York latest state to ban sneezing while driving, calling it the third most distracting event for drivers behind texting and masturbation «»