Sunday | March 1, 2015
St Louis Traffic Cone Arrangers Walk Off Job
St. Louis traffic cone arrangers picket alongside the River des Peres.

ST LOUIS (CAP) - Traffic into and out of St. Louis, Mo. was snarled for hours yesterday after the Union of Traffic Cone Arrangers called a strike and pulled its workers off the roadways right in the middle of the overnight work shift.

"The problem is, not only do these guys put the cones down, but they also pick them up," said DOT Regional Director Ed Hassinger. "As a result, it was like we've only had half the highway space for our commuters in the morning."

However, commuters like Bob Tay, who works in Laclede's Landing, said half was being generous. "Are you kidding me? I could have walked across King Bridge faster than I drove it with that left lane all blocked off. You mean no one else can pick up the cones?"

No, said St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay. He said the agreement with the union stated explicitly that only union workers could even touch the traffic cones. And Slay said trying to find someone willing to cross the picket lines has been impossible.

"We've reached out to traffic cone engineers in Chicago, Kansas City and Springfield, but no one wants to be a scab," said Slay. "So until we can figure this one out, commuters should expect some tough, tough rides ahead."

Slay said the city has posted job listings on various job seeker websites to hire new traffic cone engineers, but even if a dozen qualified candidates come forward today, it will take some time to bring them up to speed.

"You don't just stick a guy in the back of a truck leaning out over the roadway to pick up cones," said Slay. "We'll be in lawsuit city if that guy slips and falls."

One of the sticking points of the latest proposal before negotiators is liberal use of the term "coneheads" to describe traffic cone engineers. Union and city officials are expected to be back at the bargaining table today.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE business NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Porn website '2 Fat Chicks And A Concrete Barrel' files lawsuit against Black Lives Matter for trademark infringement following highway protest in Boston «» Welfare recipients throughout the country are protesting increases to the minimum wage, saying "it's not fair" for states to make it so enticing for them to try to find jobs «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» FCC rules Internet providers must stream all porn at the same speed, whether it's hot babes or skanky ho's «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» President Obama urging Americans to take part in the Homeland Security magazine drive to help fund the country's anti-terrorism efforts after the department's budget runs out this Friday «» Ashton Kutcher says he's honored but confused why President Obama would appoint him the next Defense Secretary, but is glad to have something lined up now that 'Two And A Half Men' is over «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «»
Porn website '2 Fat Chicks And A Concrete Barrel' files lawsuit against Black Lives Matter for trademark infringement following highway protest in Boston «» Welfare recipients throughout the country are protesting increases to the minimum wage, saying "it's not fair" for states to make it so enticing for them to try to find jobs «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» FCC rules Internet providers must stream all porn at the same speed, whether it's hot babes or skanky ho's «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» President Obama urging Americans to take part in the Homeland Security magazine drive to help fund the country's anti-terrorism efforts after the department's budget runs out this Friday «» Ashton Kutcher says he's honored but confused why President Obama would appoint him the next Defense Secretary, but is glad to have something lined up now that 'Two And A Half Men' is over «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «»