Tuesday | May 26, 2015
St Louis Traffic Cone Arrangers Walk Off Job
St. Louis traffic cone arrangers picket alongside the River des Peres.

ST LOUIS (CAP) - Traffic into and out of St. Louis, Mo. was snarled for hours yesterday after the Union of Traffic Cone Arrangers called a strike and pulled its workers off the roadways right in the middle of the overnight work shift.

"The problem is, not only do these guys put the cones down, but they also pick them up," said DOT Regional Director Ed Hassinger. "As a result, it was like we've only had half the highway space for our commuters in the morning."

However, commuters like Bob Tay, who works in Laclede's Landing, said half was being generous. "Are you kidding me? I could have walked across King Bridge faster than I drove it with that left lane all blocked off. You mean no one else can pick up the cones?"

No, said St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay. He said the agreement with the union stated explicitly that only union workers could even touch the traffic cones. And Slay said trying to find someone willing to cross the picket lines has been impossible.

"We've reached out to traffic cone engineers in Chicago, Kansas City and Springfield, but no one wants to be a scab," said Slay. "So until we can figure this one out, commuters should expect some tough, tough rides ahead."

Slay said the city has posted job listings on various job seeker websites to hire new traffic cone engineers, but even if a dozen qualified candidates come forward today, it will take some time to bring them up to speed.

"You don't just stick a guy in the back of a truck leaning out over the roadway to pick up cones," said Slay. "We'll be in lawsuit city if that guy slips and falls."

One of the sticking points of the latest proposal before negotiators is liberal use of the term "coneheads" to describe traffic cone engineers. Union and city officials are expected to be back at the bargaining table today.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE business NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Burger King announces plans to remove unhealthy options from kids meals, will offer empty boxes for $1.99 «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»
JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Burger King announces plans to remove unhealthy options from kids meals, will offer empty boxes for $1.99 «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»