- Girl Scouts: The Silent Killers
- Study Suggests Stonehenge Was Prehistoric McDonald's
- Wolfgang Van Halen Sick Of Being Hit On By 45-Yr-Olds
ROBBINS, NC (CAP) - Embattled former presidential candidate John Edwards admitted this week that, despite initial denials to the contrary, he is in fact the father of singer Clay Aiken's new baby boy, Parker John Foster Edwards Aiken.
"In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic," said Edwards in a statement released this week to the media. "I started to think, hey, why shouldn't I father a baby for an American Idol runner-up? Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggone it, people like me!"
Edwards' statement also went on at length regarding childhood traumas that may have led to what he describes as "a classic Freudian narcissistic personality disorder," ultimately manifesting itself in his uncontrollable desire to secretly father a baby outside of his own marriage while his wife, Elizabeth, was battling cancer.
"Frankly, I've got a lot of baggage," he declared on page seven of the 12-page document.
The paternity of Aiken's baby first came under scrutiny when the National Enquirer ran a picture of the child, with his unruly mop of fiery red hair and blinding yet somehow patently insincere smile. Then Enquirer photographer Randall Blassingill caught Edwards visiting Aiken and the baby in what appeared to be a clandestine 2am rendezvous.
"At first I thought it was Ryan Seacrest, but it was definitely Edwards," Blassingill said. "Seacrest didn't show up until 3am."
"I'm glad to see the mainstream media finally reporting on this," said David Perel, editor-in-chief of the National Enquirer, which broke the story. "At first Edwards called our story tabloid trash, but look what happened. As I've said for years, if you make enough shit up, eventually you're going to get something right."
Aiken, for his part, says he's glad the truth is out and he couldn't be happier that John Edwards wound up becoming the father of his new little Claymate.
"Remember in American Idol season 5, when that guy who looked like me came back for the season finale, and I surprised him by coming out and singing Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me with him?" asked Aiken. "I feel like that guy."
Edwards - speaking on camera from the four-bedroom Colonial in downtown Washington D.C. where he's being featured in MTV's Real World: Ex-Presidential Candidates - says he too felt a need to tell the whole truth. "Being 99 percent honest is no longer enough," he said. "And being 25-30 percent honest REALLY doesn't cut it. Boy, did I find that out the hard way."
"You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself," he added, "or more than my wife has beaten me up, at one point with a stainless steel barbecue fork." He also noted that "I conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my core beliefs. For one thing, I voted for Ruben Studdard that year."
As to how Edwards fathered the baby for Aiken, who is also male, a source close to the pair says it involved genetic engineering, in vitro fertilization, Aiken's friend Jaymes Foster acting as a surrogate mother and "a bastardization of the natural order of the universe and the will of God."
"I still don't quite understand it," said Edwards. "But I'm really, really hoping it didn't involve any actual sex."
- Banner Stands» Browse banner stands by Post-Up Stand. Trade Show Displays, Retractable Banner Displays, and more. High quality, 48 hour turnaround time!
- Prom Dresses 2013» Searching for the perfect dress to wear on your big night? Take a look from these styles who top the best-dressed lists all the time!