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Karl Rove Summoned Back To Hell
7th BOLGE, 8th Circle (CAP) - Karl Rove, chief political strategist and aide to President Bush, has been summoned back to hell after stepping down from his White House post. Administration officials saddened by his departure expressed pleasure at the career move.
"It goes without saying that Karl will be sorely missed around here," said White House spokesperson Tony Snow. "Still, our loss will be hell's gain. If anyone belongs in hell, it's my friend Karl."
Despite Rove's recent arrival in the fiery depths, the aide already has some strong advocates in hell, many quite anxious for his return.
"I've been waiting a long time for Karl to show up," said former President Richard Nixon. "I've run two failed campaigns to take over this place, and frankly, I can use his help. Those dirty tricks he learned from my administration should go a long way."
Other residents of the 8th Circle disagreed, pointing to Rove's last stint in hell when he launched a smear campaign against one demon to convince everyone that demon was pure of heart and gentle of spirit. The campaign worked so well in hell that Rove used the same tactic on President Bush with a similar level of success.
"It's a shame, really," said Hillary Clinton from the campaign trail. "Here I was, all ready to respond with a rapid, effective counterpunch whenever Karl attacked me. It would have helped me look tough and decisive. What do I do now? It's not like I can just go invade a wrong country to prove I'm strong. I'm stumped."
Vice President Dick Cheney also expressed dismay at Rove's departure, telling CAP News that he hopes all the work they did together to ignore the Constitution and "lie to everyone about everything" doesn't go for naught. "Make sure you save me a seat there, buddy," Cheney added with a chuckle.
Political pundits say Rove was hurting the Bush administration by drawing too much attention to its amoral political philosophy. They say his departure should allow the administration to focus on core values the way that they did in the past: quietly.
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