Monday | August 31, 2015
Mass. Flooding "Brilliant Political Move"
During a visit to the town of Ipswich, Mass. Romney remarks how well the region is doing since the rain stopped.

BOSTON (CAP) - As the surging waters in rain-ravaged Massachusetts begin to recede, analysts are calling the deadly flooding a "brilliant political maneuver" for presidential hopeful Gov. Mitt Romney.

"For a public official, there are few things that make you look more presidential than a flood," said Boston-area political analyst Michael Goldfarb, "with the possible exception of a terrorist attack or having your state capitol hit by a meteor."

Goldfarb noted that Romney's ability to look dignified while damp and wind-swept is probably what won him face time on all three major network morning shows. "You can bet Mike Huckabee wishes he came up with this," he said.

"Also, Romney's look of determined concern when he watched people being towed to safety on rubber life rafts with their dogs was a masterstroke," Goldfarb added. "It almost made you think he might actually do something, which of course is preposterous."

The Romney camp declined to comment, but a source close to the governor confirmed that the floods narrowly beat out an earthquake, a reactor meltdown and an invasion by space aliens as Romney's latest bid for presidential recognition. After all, "if the governor is going to spend time in Massachusetts rather than, say, Iowa, he needs a pretty good reason," said the source.

A plan to have Romney's gubernatorial plane taken over by foreign extremists, so he could hide out and use his cunning resourcefulness to pick them off one by one, was scrapped when it was determined that he didn't have a gubernatorial plane.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «»
Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «»