Tuesday | May 26, 2015
Mass. Flooding "Brilliant Political Move"
During a visit to the town of Ipswich, Mass. Romney remarks how well the region is doing since the rain stopped.

BOSTON (CAP) - As the surging waters in rain-ravaged Massachusetts begin to recede, analysts are calling the deadly flooding a "brilliant political maneuver" for presidential hopeful Gov. Mitt Romney.

"For a public official, there are few things that make you look more presidential than a flood," said Boston-area political analyst Michael Goldfarb, "with the possible exception of a terrorist attack or having your state capitol hit by a meteor."

Goldfarb noted that Romney's ability to look dignified while damp and wind-swept is probably what won him face time on all three major network morning shows. "You can bet Mike Huckabee wishes he came up with this," he said.

"Also, Romney's look of determined concern when he watched people being towed to safety on rubber life rafts with their dogs was a masterstroke," Goldfarb added. "It almost made you think he might actually do something, which of course is preposterous."

The Romney camp declined to comment, but a source close to the governor confirmed that the floods narrowly beat out an earthquake, a reactor meltdown and an invasion by space aliens as Romney's latest bid for presidential recognition. After all, "if the governor is going to spend time in Massachusetts rather than, say, Iowa, he needs a pretty good reason," said the source.

A plan to have Romney's gubernatorial plane taken over by foreign extremists, so he could hide out and use his cunning resourcefulness to pick them off one by one, was scrapped when it was determined that he didn't have a gubernatorial plane.

- CAP News Staff

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NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»