Wednesday | May 27, 2015
Agency Euthanizes Ellen's Dog Out Of Spite
Distant cousins?

PASADENA (CAP) - Mutts and Moms, the pet adoption agency that got into a very public spat with talk show host Ellen Degeneres over a dog Degeneres adopted and then gave to her hairdresser, has had the dog euthanized "to show Ellen she's not the boss of us," said Mutts and Moms proprietor Melena Butkis.

"Ellen thinks just because she's famous she can go giving away dogs willy nilly to whomever she wants," said Butkis. "Today it's her hairdresser, tomorrow she's turning them over to crack whores." Crack whores make notoriously poor pet owners, noted Butkis.

Mutts and Moms has come under fire for its stringent adoption policies and for removing the dog, "Iggy," forcibly from his new home as his new owners, including an 11- and a 12-year-old girl, watched in horror. But it was for Iggy's own good, says Butkis. "I'm fairly sure they were going to eat him," she said.

Ellen took to the airwaves to plead her case, leading to several threats against Butkis and her business. That's when Butkis decided to destroy the dog.

"It's unfortunate it had to come to this, but it's all Ellen's fault," said Butkis. "When you come right down to it, it's like she's the one who gave Iggy that lethal injection. Although I'm the one who actually got to do it, so it's sort of a win-win."

When reached for comment, Ellen could not be understood through her inconsolable sobs, which were being filmed for later broadcast. But her wife, Portia de Rossi, pledged to head down to Mutts and Moms with Melissa Etheridge and Sarah Gilbert and "kick some Mutts and Moms ass" while the Indigo Girls watch the door for cops.

Meanwhile, Carol Federman, president of the Ellen Fan Club, said her membership is livid and that Butkis will be fortunate to get off with just death threats. "She's lucky we haven't come down there with torches and pitchforks, like we do every Friday at Anne Heche's house," she said.

But Butkis remains resolute. "I'm sure I did the right thing," she said, noting that she'll kill as many animals as she has to in order to keep pets out of the hands of Ellen's hairdressers.

"I mean, look at Ellen's hair," she said. "Clearly this woman has terrible judgment."

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE health NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» New survey finds 73% of Americans feel like a nut 54% of the time, while 63% of Americans don't 47% of the time «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «»
New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» New survey finds 73% of Americans feel like a nut 54% of the time, while 63% of Americans don't 47% of the time «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «»