Wednesday | May 27, 2015
Israel Accepts Gibson's Apology
More embarassing photos of Mel Gibson have begun surfacing.

TEL AVIV, Israel (CAP) - Seeking to mitigate what he thinks could become an international incident if not checked, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert announced that his country has accepted Mel Gibson's apology for his anti-Semitic remarks.

"Christ on a crutch!" said Olmert in loosely translated Hebrew. "The Jews have endured much worse than Mel Gibson. We accept his damn apology. Now let it go, already."

Despite his words, Olmert has filed an official complaint with the United Nations about what he called "those Lebanese sympathizers in Hollywood." He said the international focus on Gibson's drunken tirade against the Jewish people has distracted his country from its war against Lebanon.

"I wasn't paying attention and I accidentally killed a whole bunch of kids in Qana," said Olmert. "So if Mel wants to apologize for anything, perhaps he should give that one a shot."

Olmert said the distraction also led to a large loss of armies in Scandinavia and Ural, but he hopes to recover within the next few rounds of play.

"If someone in Hollywood really wants to step up and apologize, how about taking some blame for that Little Man movie," said Olmert. "That was just awful."

- CAP News Staff

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ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» New warning issued by U.S. State Department says Iran just 3 to 4 years away from developing microwave popcorn that doesn't burn when overcooked «» White House upset President Obama wasn't told Benjamin Netanyahu would be guest caller for Congressional Bingo Night «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»