Friday | September 4, 2015
Israel Accepts Gibson's Apology
More embarassing photos of Mel Gibson have begun surfacing.

TEL AVIV, Israel (CAP) - Seeking to mitigate what he thinks could become an international incident if not checked, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert announced that his country has accepted Mel Gibson's apology for his anti-Semitic remarks.

"Christ on a crutch!" said Olmert in loosely translated Hebrew. "The Jews have endured much worse than Mel Gibson. We accept his damn apology. Now let it go, already."

Despite his words, Olmert has filed an official complaint with the United Nations about what he called "those Lebanese sympathizers in Hollywood." He said the international focus on Gibson's drunken tirade against the Jewish people has distracted his country from its war against Lebanon.

"I wasn't paying attention and I accidentally killed a whole bunch of kids in Qana," said Olmert. "So if Mel wants to apologize for anything, perhaps he should give that one a shot."

Olmert said the distraction also led to a large loss of armies in Scandinavia and Ural, but he hopes to recover within the next few rounds of play.

"If someone in Hollywood really wants to step up and apologize, how about taking some blame for that Little Man movie," said Olmert. "That was just awful."

- CAP News Staff

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New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» Los Angeles institutes Shower Shaming, asking residents to rat each other out if anyone wastes water and bathes more than once per week «» President Obama visits Alaska, vows to reunite cast of 'Northern Exposure' for show's 20th anniversary «» Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis now refuses to offer marriage licenses to straight couples, saying after three divorces she just doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «»