Friday | January 30, 2015
Israel Accepts Gibson's Apology
More embarassing photos of Mel Gibson have begun surfacing.

TEL AVIV, Israel (CAP) - Seeking to mitigate what he thinks could become an international incident if not checked, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert announced that his country has accepted Mel Gibson's apology for his anti-Semitic remarks.

"Christ on a crutch!" said Olmert in loosely translated Hebrew. "The Jews have endured much worse than Mel Gibson. We accept his damn apology. Now let it go, already."

Despite his words, Olmert has filed an official complaint with the United Nations about what he called "those Lebanese sympathizers in Hollywood." He said the international focus on Gibson's drunken tirade against the Jewish people has distracted his country from its war against Lebanon.

"I wasn't paying attention and I accidentally killed a whole bunch of kids in Qana," said Olmert. "So if Mel wants to apologize for anything, perhaps he should give that one a shot."

Olmert said the distraction also led to a large loss of armies in Scandinavia and Ural, but he hopes to recover within the next few rounds of play.

"If someone in Hollywood really wants to step up and apologize, how about taking some blame for that Little Man movie," said Olmert. "That was just awful."

- CAP News Staff

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Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» Vladimir Putin voted sexiest man in Russia with 100% of the vote for eighth year running, celebrates with topless serenade around Kremlin «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» New study links measles vaccine with higher chance of not contracting the disease «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «»