Sunday | November 23, 2014
Israel Accepts Gibson's Apology
More embarassing photos of Mel Gibson have begun surfacing.

TEL AVIV, Israel (CAP) - Seeking to mitigate what he thinks could become an international incident if not checked, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert announced that his country has accepted Mel Gibson's apology for his anti-Semitic remarks.

"Christ on a crutch!" said Olmert in loosely translated Hebrew. "The Jews have endured much worse than Mel Gibson. We accept his damn apology. Now let it go, already."

Despite his words, Olmert has filed an official complaint with the United Nations about what he called "those Lebanese sympathizers in Hollywood." He said the international focus on Gibson's drunken tirade against the Jewish people has distracted his country from its war against Lebanon.

"I wasn't paying attention and I accidentally killed a whole bunch of kids in Qana," said Olmert. "So if Mel wants to apologize for anything, perhaps he should give that one a shot."

Olmert said the distraction also led to a large loss of armies in Scandinavia and Ural, but he hopes to recover within the next few rounds of play.

"If someone in Hollywood really wants to step up and apologize, how about taking some blame for that Little Man movie," said Olmert. "That was just awful."

- CAP News Staff

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Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «»