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WHITE HOUSE

First White House Bake Sale A Resounding Success

First White House Bake Sale A Resounding Success
President Obama pauses for a photo with an American citizen who donated an entire table of baked goods for the sale.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - The last of the brownie squares are gone and the final piece of Michele Obama's coffee ring sold for twice its listed price of 75 cents as the White House wrapped up its first ever bake sale on the West Lawn this week. By most accounts, the economic fundraiser was a smashing success and will likely become a regular occurance in the Obama administration.

"You know, we did this back in Chicago and actually helped pay for a new swingset for a local park," President Obama told the crowd as they bought up the last of the Rice Krispy treats. "The fact is, bake sales work. We'll fix this economy by hook or by crook - one dollar at a time.

"Oh, and don't forget a popcorn ball for the kids," Obama added.

Many are applauding Obama's efforts at coming up with unique ideas and ways to try to fix the economy. But critics charge that his famous grassroots mentality is misplaced in Washington, DC and that he needs to focus on the American people as a whole and not spend too much effort on a small subset.

"Like these apple pie muffins with raisins on top, or those coconut bars covered in pecans," said economist Joseph Stiglitz, referring to two bake sale items that didn't sell as well as others. "Raisins and pecans may work in Chicago, but they're much too eclectic to be successful at the national level.

"It's okay to think outside the box," added Stiglitz, "but he needs to think inside the recipe."

Stiglitz said Obama's appointment of Vice President Joe Biden's wife Jill as Bake Sale Administrator was "questionable at best," given her well-publicized lack of experience with bake sales. He said someone with more experience would have known the sticky buns would sell fast and would have had more on hand, therefore increasing overall revenue.

"Hey, that's still $1,278.64 the American people didn't have before this sale," Obama said when asked about the lack of sticky buns.

However, CAP News fundraising expert Terri Nunn believes Obama's logic is flawed and only feeds into the myth of the bake sale as a sound approach to raising money. Nunn said studies have shown that over 80% of the money earned in a bake sale comes from the people who donated the items for the bake sale.

"So we have Americans spending their money at the bake sale, the proceeds of which go to - Americans," said Nunn. "I love scones as much as the next person, but all we're doing is recyling our own money.

"Instead, let's have the bake sale over in India where they're taking our jobs," Nunn added. "That way we can get some of our money back."

White House officials say Obama is contemplating a bottle drive for next month and is expected to make an announcement about it soon.

- CAP News Staff
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President Obama has announced that Hispanics will be the next ethnic group unfairly targeted with racial profiling by federal law enforcement agencies. "We've done a pretty good number on Muslims over the past decade," Obama said. "I think it's time America took on a new challenge and broadened our horizons." «» The FBI has intercepted a chain letter sent to President Obama promising money in the mail if he adds his name to the list and sends it to five friends. "We're still investigating the source," said an agent. "But the fourth name is Joe Biden, so we have an idea." «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «» The FBI is investigating who wiretapped Sen. Mitch McConnell's office, tapes of which show him slandering one-time opponent Ashley Judd. "I have a right to be devious and unethical in a private setting," he said. "I'm sure I'll say plenty of stupid things publicly during this campaign, just be patient." «» President Obama may spend the foreseeable future sleeping in the Oval Office after returning five percent of his salary in solidarity with furloughed federal workers. Sources say that portion was budgeted for Michelle's clothing allowance and "I'll be damned if I go the next six months dressing like Hillary Clinton." «» Kanye West has canceled the release of his new album and pulled all existing copies in the wake of the birth of his daughter. "Oh my God, have you heard those lyrics I wrote?" he said. "I'm a dad now. I can't be all rapping about breasts 'n shit anymore." «» With the recent flight of its fifth manned space mission, China is poised to become the first nation to successfully launch a fully operational orbiting forced labor camp. Astronauts on board the country's space station module will spend two years testing the effects of weightlessness on human rights abuses. «» New data released from the leaked NSA telephone surveillance tapes reveals that Americans are ordering out for pizza at an alarming rate yet not calling their mothers nearly as much as they should. However, hour-long conversations with fathers explaining how to open a Word document remain at an all-time high. «» A new study finds that teenagers who regularly use a baby pacifier are 95% less likely to become bullies than those who don't. The positive results come on the heels of Michelle Obama's new Binkies For Bullies program that aims to reduce incidents of bullying by turning perpetrators into targets. «» The Pentagon is accusing Chinese cyberspies of hacking the Twitter accounts of thousands of teenage girls after a flurry of mean, vindictive tweets surfaced. "We knew no one would ever purposefully post such awful things about their own friends," said one official. "So we figured it had to be China." «»
President Obama has announced that Hispanics will be the next ethnic group unfairly targeted with racial profiling by federal law enforcement agencies. "We've done a pretty good number on Muslims over the past decade," Obama said. "I think it's time America took on a new challenge and broadened our horizons." «» The FBI has intercepted a chain letter sent to President Obama promising money in the mail if he adds his name to the list and sends it to five friends. "We're still investigating the source," said an agent. "But the fourth name is Joe Biden, so we have an idea." «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «» The FBI is investigating who wiretapped Sen. Mitch McConnell's office, tapes of which show him slandering one-time opponent Ashley Judd. "I have a right to be devious and unethical in a private setting," he said. "I'm sure I'll say plenty of stupid things publicly during this campaign, just be patient." «» President Obama may spend the foreseeable future sleeping in the Oval Office after returning five percent of his salary in solidarity with furloughed federal workers. Sources say that portion was budgeted for Michelle's clothing allowance and "I'll be damned if I go the next six months dressing like Hillary Clinton." «» Kanye West has canceled the release of his new album and pulled all existing copies in the wake of the birth of his daughter. "Oh my God, have you heard those lyrics I wrote?" he said. "I'm a dad now. I can't be all rapping about breasts 'n shit anymore." «» With the recent flight of its fifth manned space mission, China is poised to become the first nation to successfully launch a fully operational orbiting forced labor camp. Astronauts on board the country's space station module will spend two years testing the effects of weightlessness on human rights abuses. «» New data released from the leaked NSA telephone surveillance tapes reveals that Americans are ordering out for pizza at an alarming rate yet not calling their mothers nearly as much as they should. However, hour-long conversations with fathers explaining how to open a Word document remain at an all-time high. «» A new study finds that teenagers who regularly use a baby pacifier are 95% less likely to become bullies than those who don't. The positive results come on the heels of Michelle Obama's new Binkies For Bullies program that aims to reduce incidents of bullying by turning perpetrators into targets. «» The Pentagon is accusing Chinese cyberspies of hacking the Twitter accounts of thousands of teenage girls after a flurry of mean, vindictive tweets surfaced. "We knew no one would ever purposefully post such awful things about their own friends," said one official. "So we figured it had to be China." «»