Friday | May 22, 2015
Lohan: Okay, I Haven't Had A Drink In 10, 15 Minutes
An obviously hammered Lindsay Lohan explains to CAP News what she does to get free drinks when she parties.

NEW YORK (CAP) - Lindsay Lohan, who has been ordered by the court to wear an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet, was spotted with an empty glass inside the Crobar Night Club. She had originally told friends that she hadn't had a drink in days.

"Woops, okay, umm, so I haven't had a drink in 10 or 15 minutes," said Lohan with a blush. "That's still pretty good, right? And I haven't had sex in ... well, I'm not having sex now. I don't think."

In her first interview with CAP News since she admitted to doing drug addicts, the 23-year-old actress blew a .13 and then proceeded to come clean about all things Lohan.

On joining AA: "Actually, I joined AAA; the tabloids got it wrong. You've seen the way I drive; I figured it was about time."

On rumors that she's pregnant: "With all the sex I have, you'd think the odds are pretty good. But all that throwing up I do is intentional, it's not morning sickness."

On appearing in two upcoming horror films: "As long as I get to be chased around in lingerie like Paris in House Of Wax. I think at this point in my career, my boobs deserve some attention, too."

Lohan said she'd like to make headlines for her movie roles, although she did enjoy the success of her summer "Prison Pinup" tour. She said one of her longstanding goals is to have her poster "hanging above the bed of every teenage boy in America."

She then said something about "resetting the clock", grabbed a shot from the bar, and stumbled off into the crowd on the arm of a European-looking guy with black hair, a five o'clock shadow, and a Rayon shirt - ankle bracelet be damned.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE showbiz NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «»
Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «»