Sunday | December 21, 2014
People Names Richards Sorriest Man Alive

NEW YORK (CAP) - Mel Gibson, you've been beat.

Michael Richards has been named People Magazine's Sorriest Man Alive for 2006, eclipsing bigot buddy Mel Gibson for the honor.

"Mel's gonna be upset," the 57-year-old actor told People in its special issue.

"But you know what?" added Richards. "Fuck that Aussie galah and the dingo he rode in on. This award's mine."

Then again, after the week that Richards has had, it's likely the Jew-hater will understand. Hollywood's consummate idiot didn't just launch his tirade at police - he did it in front of a crowd of hundreds. Richards then further cemented the end of his career with that sorry attempt at an apology on the David Letterman show, plus some 35 other apologies.

"We were so ready to hand this award to Mel," said People Magazine Managing Editor Martha Nelson. "We already had the cover made up and everything. We didn't figure anyone could beat two months' worth of apologies, but Kramer did it in just a week."

Nelson said the biggest thing Mel had going for him was the fact that the nation of Israel acknowledged and accepted his apology. However, CAP News Entertainment Editor Greta Von Cistern said it was likely the "intangible things" that gave Richards the nod.

"It's one thing to spew that filth when you're drunk, but another thing entirely to do it while sober," said Von Cistern. "And then to get on TV and just apologize - no rehab plan, no blame on anyone else, no heartfelt Barbara Walters interview - that's ballsy."

Richards joins other great apologists such as People's 1995 Sorriest Man Alive Hugh Grant, 1998 winner Kate Moss and People's 2000 cover boy John Rocker. For more from People's exclusive interview with Sorriest Man Alive Michael Richards, pick up the latest issue, on newsstands Friday.

- CAP News Staff

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Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility «» The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «»