Friday | November 21, 2014
People Names Richards Sorriest Man Alive

NEW YORK (CAP) - Mel Gibson, you've been beat.

Michael Richards has been named People Magazine's Sorriest Man Alive for 2006, eclipsing bigot buddy Mel Gibson for the honor.

"Mel's gonna be upset," the 57-year-old actor told People in its special issue.

"But you know what?" added Richards. "Fuck that Aussie galah and the dingo he rode in on. This award's mine."

Then again, after the week that Richards has had, it's likely the Jew-hater will understand. Hollywood's consummate idiot didn't just launch his tirade at police - he did it in front of a crowd of hundreds. Richards then further cemented the end of his career with that sorry attempt at an apology on the David Letterman show, plus some 35 other apologies.

"We were so ready to hand this award to Mel," said People Magazine Managing Editor Martha Nelson. "We already had the cover made up and everything. We didn't figure anyone could beat two months' worth of apologies, but Kramer did it in just a week."

Nelson said the biggest thing Mel had going for him was the fact that the nation of Israel acknowledged and accepted his apology. However, CAP News Entertainment Editor Greta Von Cistern said it was likely the "intangible things" that gave Richards the nod.

"It's one thing to spew that filth when you're drunk, but another thing entirely to do it while sober," said Von Cistern. "And then to get on TV and just apologize - no rehab plan, no blame on anyone else, no heartfelt Barbara Walters interview - that's ballsy."

Richards joins other great apologists such as People's 1995 Sorriest Man Alive Hugh Grant, 1998 winner Kate Moss and People's 2000 cover boy John Rocker. For more from People's exclusive interview with Sorriest Man Alive Michael Richards, pick up the latest issue, on newsstands Friday.

- CAP News Staff

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CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» Kmart asks employees to celebrate Thanksgiving the weekend before so they can work on Thanksgiving itself «» President Obama cancels afternoon press conference after what aides say was an "untimely erection" «»