Saturday | April 18, 2015
People Names Richards Sorriest Man Alive

NEW YORK (CAP) - Mel Gibson, you've been beat.

Michael Richards has been named People Magazine's Sorriest Man Alive for 2006, eclipsing bigot buddy Mel Gibson for the honor.

"Mel's gonna be upset," the 57-year-old actor told People in its special issue.

"But you know what?" added Richards. "Fuck that Aussie galah and the dingo he rode in on. This award's mine."

Then again, after the week that Richards has had, it's likely the Jew-hater will understand. Hollywood's consummate idiot didn't just launch his tirade at police - he did it in front of a crowd of hundreds. Richards then further cemented the end of his career with that sorry attempt at an apology on the David Letterman show, plus some 35 other apologies.

"We were so ready to hand this award to Mel," said People Magazine Managing Editor Martha Nelson. "We already had the cover made up and everything. We didn't figure anyone could beat two months' worth of apologies, but Kramer did it in just a week."

Nelson said the biggest thing Mel had going for him was the fact that the nation of Israel acknowledged and accepted his apology. However, CAP News Entertainment Editor Greta Von Cistern said it was likely the "intangible things" that gave Richards the nod.

"It's one thing to spew that filth when you're drunk, but another thing entirely to do it while sober," said Von Cistern. "And then to get on TV and just apologize - no rehab plan, no blame on anyone else, no heartfelt Barbara Walters interview - that's ballsy."

Richards joins other great apologists such as People's 1995 Sorriest Man Alive Hugh Grant, 1998 winner Kate Moss and People's 2000 cover boy John Rocker. For more from People's exclusive interview with Sorriest Man Alive Michael Richards, pick up the latest issue, on newsstands Friday.

- CAP News Staff

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Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «» Ashton Kutcher says he's honored but confused why President Obama would appoint him the next Defense Secretary, but is glad to have something lined up now that 'Two And A Half Men' is over «» Massachusetts courts upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Major League Baseball implements two-drink minimum at all stadiums to help fans forget just how much time they're spending at the park for a single game «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»