Friday | November 21, 2014
ALS Association Holds Fundraiser For Sno-Cone Makers Union
Scenes like this one may become a thing of the past if the country doesn't band together and make more ice faster.

CALABASAS HILLS, Calif. (CAP) - The ALS Association announced today that they would take a short break from trying to cure Lou Gehrig's disease to host a fundraiser for the Ice Shavers Local 882 Union, which has seen employment among its membership decline by 92% since the start of the ice bucket challenge.

"We just want to help," said ALSA Collective Bargaining Relationship Manager Ralph Norton. "In a way, we're partially responsible for these hard-working Americans being out of work. In another way, we are 100% responsible for them being out of work.

"Which isn't as bad as having ALS, mind you, but it's pretty bad," Norton added. "It's like, in the top 25 of bad things that can happen to someone, besides ALS."

"The issue is that these guys have spent their lives honing one skill - shaving ice and then adding flavored syrup to make snow cones," said ice industry expert Rob Van Warner. "With all the ice that's being used in these bucket challenges, there's simply none left to shave, which means these guys are out of work."

The ALSA says they'll use corporate sponsorship and product placement to fund their ISLU 882 fundraiser early next month, which will be in the form of a corn hole tournament in the parking lot of a local Stuckey's restaurant. This will preclude them from dipping into the estimated $39 billion that they've raised from the ice bucket challenge itself.

"Look, there's nothing we can do to get these guys back to work - that's out of our hands until people stop using up all the ice," said Norton. "But if we can toss some bean bags and help replace some of their missing income, we're willing to do it.

"Plus, one of the guys told me that for 50 bucks he would chug a gallon of cherry snow cone syrup straight-up," he pointed out. "And I definitely want to see that. It's gonna get all kinds of nasty."

ISLU 882 will also be selling t-shirts online with the slogans Shaved Is Better and Ice? Ice? Maybe! on them, with proceeds going to out of work members.

"We just want to get back to our craft," said Van Warner. "You know, shaving sweet treats that people can stick their tongues in and go crazy."

- CAP News Staff

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NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» Kmart asks employees to celebrate Thanksgiving the weekend before so they can work on Thanksgiving itself «»