Friday | November 21, 2014
Tony The Tiger Admits Frosted Flakes Are 'Pretty Good' At Best
Tony laments how grrrrreat Frosted Flakes used to taste back in the day.

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. (CAP) - Famed breakfast icon Tony the Tiger admits in his tell-all autobiography that the cereal which he has touted as "grrrrreat" for over 60 years has actually only been "pretty good at best" for quite a while now.

"You pour the milk and you've got, what, a minute tops before that bowl turns into something you could patch drywall with?" Tony told CAP News in an exclusive phone interview from his Baton Rouge, LA home. "Now imagine what it tastes like after a six-hour shoot for a commercial.

"They're grrrrross!" he bellowed.

In the book, Tony details his struggles with alcohol, including all night drinking binges with Krackle of Rice Krispies fame, and a torrid affair with Gloria from All In The Family which ultimately led to a cocaine addiction.

"Tony the Tiger was huge in the '70s, - magazine covers, red carpet premieres, Studio 54 - he was the IT tiger," said CAP News Food Editor Dale Cooper. "But it all came crashing down when he lost Tony Junior in 1980."

After almost two decades as his father's sidekick, Tony Junior was finally named mascot of his own cereal with the advent of Frosted Rice in 1975. However, the continued ingestion of a cereal that contained so much iron it could be picked up with a magnet resulted in Hemochromotosis, a disease from which Tony Junior would never recover.

"That's when he hit rock bottom, but ironically it was also the impetus that got him to clean up his act," said Cooper. "Gone was the fluffy tiger of the 1960s, replaced by a cantankerous old cat hardened by years of too much scotch and Sally Struthers."

Despite his criticism of the cereal, Tony said he still enjoys the occasional bowl, at least when daughter Antoinette isn't pestering him to "lay off the sugar cereal, dad."

"Yeah, I don't want to get da beetus!" Tony cracked in response.

Fortified With Vitamins: The Tony The Tiger Story is available for the Kindle and Nook.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE business NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS
Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» Kmart asks employees to celebrate Thanksgiving the weekend before so they can work on Thanksgiving itself «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «»
Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» Kmart asks employees to celebrate Thanksgiving the weekend before so they can work on Thanksgiving itself «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «»