Sunday | April 19, 2015
World Foosball Cup Comes To Poland Amid Controversy

KRAKOW, Poland (CAP) - Looking to capitalize on World Cup soccer fever, the International Federation Of Foosball Enthusiasts has announced plans for a 32-nation, triple-elimination tournament featuring the world's most renowned foosball players.

"We understand that unless you're a diehard fan you may not no more than 10 or 12 of the top international players," said IFFE President Pierre Oshanta. "But trust me: by the time the next three weeks are done, people will know their names."

Krakow, Poland will host the tourney, having beaten out seven other locations for the honor. The city has spent nine months and $250 million on new infrastructure to handle the influx of visitors expected for the event.

"We completely renovated two youth hostels and bought clean sheets for all the hotels in the city," said Mayor Jacek Majchrowski. "Don't let it be said that Poland doesn't know how to show the world a good time!"

The bulk of the money was spent on constructing three indoor stadiums for the competition, a move that was not without controversy. Some city officials fear Krakow becoming the Athens of foosball, with venues that fall into disrepair once the Cup has left.

"What the hell else can we bring in that would fill three stadiums on a regular basis?" said City Councilman Jerzy Połomski. "Our bid to host the final leg of the Table Tennis Triple Crown World Tour had better come through or this was not moneys well spent."

Cup organizers say most of the games are sold out with the notable exception of the United States matches. Many feel it's because the US team consists mainly of drunk college students just looking for something to do on summer break.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE sports NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Massachusetts courts upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Major League Baseball implements two-drink minimum at all stadiums to help fans forget just how much time they're spending at the park for a single game «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose to have leg replacement surgery, expects to be back in time for playoffs «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»
Massachusetts courts upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Major League Baseball implements two-drink minimum at all stadiums to help fans forget just how much time they're spending at the park for a single game «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose to have leg replacement surgery, expects to be back in time for playoffs «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «» Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Utah becomes first state to offer stoning as death penalty option, saying it's a criminal's right to have their head bashed in «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»