Thursday | July 31, 2014
Obama To Send Kanye West To Iraq To Sort Things Out
President Obama touts the qualifications of his new international diplomat.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Obama has announced plans to send recently betrothed Kanye West over to Iraq to help the Sunnis "sort things out" and restore peace to the region.

"I saw the way Kanye handled Annie Leibovitz," Obama said, referring to West's scathing remarks about the celebrity photographer choosing not to shoot his wedding with Kim Kardashian. "Now Imma let him go over there and finish what I tried to finish years ago."

Critics on both sides of the aisle have jumped on the idea as preposterous, recalling Obama's failed attempts to do the same with Beyonce a couple years ago after her World Humanitarian Day video, "and her boobs are much more spectacular."

Pundits have pointed out that since all black men look the same to Muslims, West could very well be mistaken for Obama and antics considered somewhat acceptable by celebrity standards may be construed as a blatant disregard for the Geneva conventions.

"He's really better off sending Sean Penn for this type of gig," said CAP News political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "He stuck out like a sore thumb in Haiti - no doubt he could have the same success in Iraq."

For his part, West says he's happy to "help a Prez out" but would have preferred to "be all diplomatic 'n shit" somewhere like Bermuda or Turks and Caicos.

"I told Barry, the Sunni I go and whup some Muslim ass, the Sunni I get back to my hot wife," said West. "Yo, you see what I did there?"

Obama said he has the utmost faith in West's ability to bring stability to the region, but said if it doesn't work, he'll send Kim Kardashian over to join her husband and "annoy them into submission."

- CAP News Staff

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