Monday | August 3, 2015
Obama To Send Kanye West To Iraq To Sort Things Out
President Obama touts the qualifications of his new international diplomat.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Obama has announced plans to send recently betrothed Kanye West over to Iraq to help the Sunnis "sort things out" and restore peace to the region.

"I saw the way Kanye handled Annie Leibovitz," Obama said, referring to West's scathing remarks about the celebrity photographer choosing not to shoot his wedding with Kim Kardashian. "Now Imma let him go over there and finish what I tried to finish years ago."

Critics on both sides of the aisle have jumped on the idea as preposterous, recalling Obama's failed attempts to do the same with Beyonce a couple years ago after her World Humanitarian Day video, "and her boobs are much more spectacular."

Pundits have pointed out that since all black men look the same to Muslims, West could very well be mistaken for Obama and antics considered somewhat acceptable by celebrity standards may be construed as a blatant disregard for the Geneva conventions.

"He's really better off sending Sean Penn for this type of gig," said CAP News political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "He stuck out like a sore thumb in Haiti - no doubt he could have the same success in Iraq."

For his part, West says he's happy to "help a Prez out" but would have preferred to "be all diplomatic 'n shit" somewhere like Bermuda or Turks and Caicos.

"I told Barry, the Sunni I go and whup some Muslim ass, the Sunni I get back to my hot wife," said West. "Yo, you see what I did there?"

Obama said he has the utmost faith in West's ability to bring stability to the region, but said if it doesn't work, he'll send Kim Kardashian over to join her husband and "annoy them into submission."

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE world NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Group of feminists vow to strip naked and walk across DMZ between North and South Korea to prove how uptight both nations are «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «» Taylor Swift says she plans to try speed dating because she's short on time and wants to pull together material for a new album «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «»
US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Group of feminists vow to strip naked and walk across DMZ between North and South Korea to prove how uptight both nations are «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «» Taylor Swift says she plans to try speed dating because she's short on time and wants to pull together material for a new album «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «»