Thursday | January 29, 2015
Obama To Send Kanye West To Iraq To Sort Things Out
President Obama touts the qualifications of his new international diplomat.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Obama has announced plans to send recently betrothed Kanye West over to Iraq to help the Sunnis "sort things out" and restore peace to the region.

"I saw the way Kanye handled Annie Leibovitz," Obama said, referring to West's scathing remarks about the celebrity photographer choosing not to shoot his wedding with Kim Kardashian. "Now Imma let him go over there and finish what I tried to finish years ago."

Critics on both sides of the aisle have jumped on the idea as preposterous, recalling Obama's failed attempts to do the same with Beyonce a couple years ago after her World Humanitarian Day video, "and her boobs are much more spectacular."

Pundits have pointed out that since all black men look the same to Muslims, West could very well be mistaken for Obama and antics considered somewhat acceptable by celebrity standards may be construed as a blatant disregard for the Geneva conventions.

"He's really better off sending Sean Penn for this type of gig," said CAP News political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "He stuck out like a sore thumb in Haiti - no doubt he could have the same success in Iraq."

For his part, West says he's happy to "help a Prez out" but would have preferred to "be all diplomatic 'n shit" somewhere like Bermuda or Turks and Caicos.

"I told Barry, the Sunni I go and whup some Muslim ass, the Sunni I get back to my hot wife," said West. "Yo, you see what I did there?"

Obama said he has the utmost faith in West's ability to bring stability to the region, but said if it doesn't work, he'll send Kim Kardashian over to join her husband and "annoy them into submission."

- CAP News Staff

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Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» Vladimir Putin voted sexiest man in Russia with 100% of the vote for eighth year running, celebrates with topless serenade around Kremlin «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» Newly retired Jeff Gordon cited for driving in breakdown lane, said he was "going nutty" sitting in traffic «» Congress passes new 'Right To Lie' law for politicians with less than six months left to serve before re-election «» Patriots caught trying to sneak snow-making machine into University of Phoenix Stadium for competitive advantage during Super Bowl «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» US Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The Union «» Boston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations" «» NFL says if Patriots had deflated footballs, their punt would have wedged in Josh Cribbs' facemask, not bounced off of it «»