Monday | September 1, 2014
Video Surfaces Showing Justin Bieber Using Three-Syllable Word
Justin performs community service by helping to teach local first-graders some basic math.

HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Yet another shocking video of Justin Bieber has surfaced, this one purportedly showing the young star using what appears to be a three-syllable word in a complete sentence.

"It's somewhat difficult to decipher between the swears and racial slurs, but it sounds like he might have said the word travesty," said Harvard Linguistics Professor Murray Engelmann. "Of course, the jury's still out whether he actually knows what that means."

The latest find marks a drastic shift from the belief that the Canadian singer was only capable of producing sentence fragments comprised mostly of mono-syllabic words with the primary intent of insulting another ethnic group or minority.

"I still say someone fed him that word," said TMZ's Harvey Levin, whose site originally posted the video. "There's no way he comes up with that on his own."

Bieber's fans continue to rail against TMZ, saying that the Hollywood gossip site is merely out to get their idol, whom they claim uses three- and sometimes even four-syllable words when he's off camera and being a good citizen by using a urinal instead of a mop bucket.

"No, motherfucker is a compound word - that doesn't count," pointed out Engelmann. "And KKK is an acronym that replaces three single-syllable words. No dice."

Meanwhile, Bieber has offered an official apology for his past transgressions, which critics say ranks a two on a scale of one to Jonah Hill.

CAP News would like to point out that we chose the word transgressions in writing this article as a replacement for the actual phrase used by Justin Bieber: "stuff I did."

We by no means intend to portray an intelligence level higher than what actually exists and apologize for any confusion.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE showbiz NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2014 BY CAP NEWS