Friday | May 29, 2015
Congressional Report Notes Old People Continue Dying

WASHINGTON (CAP) - A congressional advisory board meeting under the direction of Vice President Joe Biden says Medicare should charge senior citizens more money for home health care services.

The vice president said he's taking his cue from home contractors and other home repair personnel who are constantly bilking the elderly of their savings, and said the government should not be left behind.

"We don't want to deprive people who need services," said Willamena Gilletto, chairwoman of some other board whose name is too long to print here. "We just want to deprive them of what few dollars they have left to their name in the few short years they have left to live."

Gilletto said any new plan would only require a small co-payment from senior citizens for Medicare home health care. However, given the amount of Social Security that old people are expected to live on each month, that small co-payment could probably buy a month's worth of strained beets.

The senior citizen watchdog group Citizens for Retired Associates and Professionals said it plans to sue the U.S. Government for any decision it deems unconstitutional.

Biden said he's sick and tired of CRAP, and he said CRAP always stands in the way of gettings things done. He said he will see to it that the public will not have to deal with CRAP anymore.

Medicare currently covers the full cost of home health care visits, something that Congress is looking to change. Congressmen said old people are living longer, which is costing the government more, so they want to cut back on how much Medicare covers, which will save the government some money, and probably kill off a bunch of old people, which will then save the government lots of money.

Once and future presidential candidate Bob Dole said he is against the plan.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE health NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» New survey finds 73% of Americans feel like a nut 54% of the time, while 63% of Americans don't 47% of the time «» World Trade Organization approves putting 'Country Of Origin' labels on immigrants coming into the US to help Americans better target their discrimination «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»
New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» New survey finds 73% of Americans feel like a nut 54% of the time, while 63% of Americans don't 47% of the time «» World Trade Organization approves putting 'Country Of Origin' labels on immigrants coming into the US to help Americans better target their discrimination «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»