Thursday | April 27, 2017
Google Building Live-Action Minecraft On Barge In Bay
Google Barge with Minecraft Plug-In v1.2

SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) - Officials for Google have confirmed that the barge floating in San Francisco Bay does belong to the search giant and does represent the base of a life-sized Minecraft structure.

When completed, Google's Live-Action Minecraft Expedition will feature a multitude of doorways, stairwells and a nice lava pillar, along with no less than 450 torches lining the walls. Plus a crafting table.

"Well, we're just in create mode right now, so expect to see a lot of cobblestone and a little bit of obsidian," said LAME project manager Steve Waterman. "But once the zombies start coming, you bet your ass we'll be moving into survival mode."

According to secret documentation, Google is building the barge to protect its massive amounts of data from the impending zombie apocalypse, relying on the premise that first generation zombies are unable to swim or successfully navigate barges.

"Yeah, we're not talking about those zombies from World War Z," said LAME head architect Steve Jupin. "I don't know what the hell we'd do against those things.

"But Americans can rest assured that while they're being eaten alive on the mainland, their search data is safe with Google offshore," he added.

When asked what provisions were being made to also protect people from a zombie attack, Jupin looked perplexed and told CAP News that people don't fit into Google's mission statement, "unless they can be manipulated like data."

Meanwhile, reports out of Redmond state that Microsoft has launched a catamaran into Elliott Bay, fully equipped with a state of the art early detection system to protect against sea serpents and invasion by pirates.

"I mean, we're also going to build something on it just like Google," said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. "I don't know what yet, but we will. And it'll be better than whatever Google is building - and faster. Bing my words."

- CAP News Staff

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