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BALTIMORE (CAP) - A study released today by the Under Armor Institute reveals confusion among many consumers who believe that the simple act of putting on exercise-related clothing is "as good as or better than" actually working out when it comes to providing health benefits.
"Look, we can't stop the tubbos from being tubbos," said Matthew C. Mirchin, Senior Vice President of Global Brand and Sports Marketing. "But I'm glad we finally have some hard data on this."
Mirchin said he first came up with the theory while eating at Chili's when three women seated next to him ordered eight plates of Texas Cheese Fries and four Bacon Ranch Quesadillas. While not that unusual "for gals like these - real Omega Mu types," he said it was their wardrobe that caught his attention.
"Each one of them was outfitted head-to-toe in Under Armor workout gear," Mirchin noted. "They had everything - running sneakers, stretchy capri workout pants, the whole shebang.
"That's when it hit me: these women thought that somehow just wearing our gear would be enough," he added. "Even as they were shoveling melted cheese and tortillas into their food gullets by the pail full."
The details of the study reveal that many people consider themselves athletes, despite having no athletic ability and putting no effort into training or competing, simply based on their wardrobes.
"There's a reason why Reebok sells more Crossfit t-shirts in size XXL than size M," said social psychologist Neal Doherty. "We are an obese, lazy country, but we're also too stubborn or too stupid to admit it.
"The problem is, your clogged arteries don't know you are wearing that Pain is weakness leaving the body sweatshirt," Doherty noted. "They only know that you chose sitting on the couch and eating an entire party-sized vat of cheese puffs instead going for a walk, again."
For their part, Under Armor is aiming to change the behavior of these fitness poseurs. While they can't stop obese people from wearing their gear, they believe they can encourage them not to advertise the brand.
"That's why we've developed new StretchAway technology - if a wearer's girth passes a certain acceptable level, the resulting over-stretching of the fabric will cause our Under Armor logo to disappear," Mirchin said. "That way it's not our problem any more - they could be wearing any old I Must Protect This House shirt. Problem solved."
In related news, Chili's announced a new promotion that rewards patrons who can make it through an entire meal without breaking their chairs.
"Any customer who waddles up to one of our 1,400 restaurants and can make it through their meal without smashing any furniture earns themselves a free rack of baby-back ribs." said Chili's COO Kelli Valade.
"And we don't care if you're wearing workout clothes, a tuxedo, or an adult-sized onesy," she added. "You're always welcome at Chili's."
- CAP News Staff
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