Monday | May 4, 2015
Senate Takes Up Legislation Affirming What A Fox Says
Sen. Carl Levin speaks for the animals who don't have a voice.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - With the first government shutdown in 17 years now in full effect, the Senate has moved on to other matters to bide the time, turning its attention to recently introduced bills that would determine once and for all what the fox says.

"Cow goes moo, frog goes croak - all in favor, say aye," said Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT). "The chair now recognizes the senator from Oregon Ron Wyden to discuss the one sound that no one knows."

Senate bill S.Con.Res.23, introduced by Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), calls for "the complete and absolute affirmation of the onomatopoetic sound made by or associated with any of the 12 species belonging to the Vulpes genus of true foxes."

The resolution does not make a distinction between possible differences in dialect among subfamilies of foxes.

"So we can place cameras on wild animals to get cool National Geographic pictures, but we can't mic up a fox den to figure out what they sound like?" said Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK). "Where the hell is Ted Cruz when we need him?"

The Furry Fandom Lobby, vocal opponents of the legislation, point out that the wording of the bill doesn't dictate exactly what the fox says, just that a determination will be made on what it says. As such, the Senate and House could both pass the same bill in its exact wording but still leave the question unanswered.

"So we could decide the fox says Wa pa pa pa pa pa pow but the House decides it says Jacha chacha chacha chow, which puts us right back at square one," said Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN). "And they would, too, because they're bastards like that."

The Senate Subcommittee On Small Woodland Creatures will hold hearings throughout the week to narrow down the selection of preferred fox sounds ahead of a planned vote of the full Senate next week.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «»
Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «» Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear" «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «»