Friday | September 4, 2015
Senate Takes Up Legislation Affirming What A Fox Says
Sen. Carl Levin speaks for the animals who don't have a voice.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - With the first government shutdown in 17 years now in full effect, the Senate has moved on to other matters to bide the time, turning its attention to recently introduced bills that would determine once and for all what the fox says.

"Cow goes moo, frog goes croak - all in favor, say aye," said Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT). "The chair now recognizes the senator from Oregon Ron Wyden to discuss the one sound that no one knows."

Senate bill S.Con.Res.23, introduced by Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), calls for "the complete and absolute affirmation of the onomatopoetic sound made by or associated with any of the 12 species belonging to the Vulpes genus of true foxes."

The resolution does not make a distinction between possible differences in dialect among subfamilies of foxes.

"So we can place cameras on wild animals to get cool National Geographic pictures, but we can't mic up a fox den to figure out what they sound like?" said Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK). "Where the hell is Ted Cruz when we need him?"

The Furry Fandom Lobby, vocal opponents of the legislation, point out that the wording of the bill doesn't dictate exactly what the fox says, just that a determination will be made on what it says. As such, the Senate and House could both pass the same bill in its exact wording but still leave the question unanswered.

"So we could decide the fox says Wa pa pa pa pa pa pow but the House decides it says Jacha chacha chacha chow, which puts us right back at square one," said Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN). "And they would, too, because they're bastards like that."

The Senate Subcommittee On Small Woodland Creatures will hold hearings throughout the week to narrow down the selection of preferred fox sounds ahead of a planned vote of the full Senate next week.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE politics NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
President Obama visits Alaska, vows to reunite cast of 'Northern Exposure' for show's 20th anniversary «» Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Los Angeles institutes Shower Shaming, asking residents to rat each other out if anyone wastes water and bathes more than once per week «» Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis now refuses to offer marriage licenses to straight couples, saying after three divorces she just doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «»
President Obama visits Alaska, vows to reunite cast of 'Northern Exposure' for show's 20th anniversary «» Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Los Angeles institutes Shower Shaming, asking residents to rat each other out if anyone wastes water and bathes more than once per week «» Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis now refuses to offer marriage licenses to straight couples, saying after three divorces she just doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «»