Friday | August 29, 2014
Senate Takes Up Legislation Affirming What A Fox Says
Sen. Carl Levin speaks for the animals who don't have a voice.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - With the first government shutdown in 17 years now in full effect, the Senate has moved on to other matters to bide the time, turning its attention to recently introduced bills that would determine once and for all what the fox says.

"Cow goes moo, frog goes croak - all in favor, say aye," said Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT). "The chair now recognizes the senator from Oregon Ron Wyden to discuss the one sound that no one knows."

Senate bill S.Con.Res.23, introduced by Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), calls for "the complete and absolute affirmation of the onomatopoetic sound made by or associated with any of the 12 species belonging to the Vulpes genus of true foxes."

The resolution does not make a distinction between possible differences in dialect among subfamilies of foxes.

"So we can place cameras on wild animals to get cool National Geographic pictures, but we can't mic up a fox den to figure out what they sound like?" said Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK). "Where the hell is Ted Cruz when we need him?"

The Furry Fandom Lobby, vocal opponents of the legislation, point out that the wording of the bill doesn't dictate exactly what the fox says, just that a determination will be made on what it says. As such, the Senate and House could both pass the same bill in its exact wording but still leave the question unanswered.

"So we could decide the fox says Wa pa pa pa pa pa pow but the House decides it says Jacha chacha chacha chow, which puts us right back at square one," said Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN). "And they would, too, because they're bastards like that."

The Senate Subcommittee On Small Woodland Creatures will hold hearings throughout the week to narrow down the selection of preferred fox sounds ahead of a planned vote of the full Senate next week.

- CAP News Staff

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