Saturday | December 20, 2014
Ricin Letter Sender Thinking Timing May Have Been Off
Kevin Curtis pauses for a candid photo in front of what turned out to be a prophetic bumper sticker on his car.

MEMPHIS (CAP) - The Elvis impersonator accused of sending a ricin-laced letter to President Obama says he's regretting picking the one week in all of U.S. history when his story would go completely unnoticed by the news media and the American public.

"In retrospect, the week before or the week after would have probably been a better bet," said Paul Kevin Curtis, who noted that not only didn't the story about an Elvis impersonator arrested for trying to kill the president not make the front pages, most people didn't even notice it at all.

"First there was the Boston bombings, then the Senate gun control vote, then the explosion in Texas, then the Boston manhunt," said Curtis from his Memphis jail cell, listing off the stories that drew attention away from his efforts.

"I mean, who does an unhinged right-wing conspiracy nut have to schtup to get a break in this town?" he lamented.

A study by the Poynter Institute of the week's news showed that the ricin letters arrest actually finished ninth out of the top ten stories for the week, following the four stories mentioned by Curtis, along with the Iran earthquake, the Chinese earthquake, the Denver pot fest and the return of David Ortiz to the Red Sox lineup.

"He did beat out the story about former Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf being remanded into custody," noted the Poynter Institute's Dick Edmunton. "Because people can't stand reading about, you know, foreign stuff, except for earthquakes."

- CAP News Staff

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The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men «» CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over the holidays due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts «» NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses" «» Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical «» Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights «» New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge. «»