Monday | March 30, 2015
Survey Says Catholics Upset Over Pope's Catholic Views
One unmarried Catholic expresses her sentiments on the streets of the Vatican.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - American Catholics this week, while generally happy with the newly elected Pope Francis, expressed disappointment that the new head of the Catholic Church insisted on espousing such Catholic views.

A new study out of the Pew Research Center said that while 74 percent of American Catholics approve of Archbishop Jorge Mario Bergoglio's appointment as pontiff, almost 60 percent wished he held different views on abortion, premarital sex, contraception and same-sex marriage.

"Most respondents questioned why the pope has to be so darn Catholic, to use a phrase that came up over and over again," said Pew spokesman Dr. Francis Spitznagel. In addition to those issues mentioned above, most Catholics weren't thrilled with the new pope's views on adultery, masturbation and "pretty much any of that sex stuff," said Spitznagel, again quoting the study.

"Just once I'd like to see a pope who didn't have a problem with premarital sex," said Carole Thomson, 29, who describes herself as a "devout Catholic" who nonetheless has never married and has had 19 sexual partners, some of them women.

"It seems kind of backward in this day and age to have the leader of the Catholic Church unwilling to bend on some of these things," she said, referring to the basic tenets of the Catholic religion that the pope is sworn to uphold.

Most Catholics did agree, though, that Pope Francis was an improvement over Pope Benedict, whose excuse for not stopping the church's child sex abuse scandal was that he was hard of hearing and thought the priests were actually "amusing" children.

"Also, we're pretty sure the new guy's not a Nazi, so there's that," said Thomson.

- CAP News Staff

SHARE STORY
MORE world NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» New warning issued by U.S. State Department says Iran just 3 to 4 years away from developing microwave popcorn that doesn't burn when overcooked «» White House upset President Obama wasn't told Benjamin Netanyahu would be guest caller for Congressional Bingo Night «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» Vladimir Putin voted sexiest man in Russia with 100% of the vote for eighth year running, celebrates with topless serenade around Kremlin «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «» A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «»
NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» New warning issued by U.S. State Department says Iran just 3 to 4 years away from developing microwave popcorn that doesn't burn when overcooked «» White House upset President Obama wasn't told Benjamin Netanyahu would be guest caller for Congressional Bingo Night «» Experts question Brian Williams' claim that an IED blew off his limb while reporting in Afghanistan and that he sewed it back on during his return flight to the United States «» Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oil «» Vladimir Putin voted sexiest man in Russia with 100% of the vote for eighth year running, celebrates with topless serenade around Kremlin «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «» A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «»