Tuesday | August 4, 2015
Osama bin Laden Shoo-In For 2013 Nobel Peace Prize
The Nobel Peace Prize committee lauds the posthumous accomplishments of the former al Qaeda leader.

OSLO, Norway (CAP) - The committee that awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama in 2009 and to the European Union in 2012 is rumored to have earmarked its 2013 recipient of the esteemed award: Osama bin Laden, founder of al-Qaeda, the jihadist organization that claimed responsibility for the September 11 attacks on the United States.

Many took issue with the 2009 and 2012 awards, arguing that Obama and the EU hardly fall within the description laid out by the creator of the Nobel Peace Prize, Alfred Nobel, who specified that the Peace Prize shall be awarded to the person who "shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

However, committee chair Thorbjorn Jagland explained that this description was not meant to be taken overly literally.

"Thanks in large part to Obama, the United States is the biggest world spender on defense, and its current military spending is higher than at any time in its entire history," Jagland said in defense of what were some unlikely past choices by the committee. "Certainly that's made our world a more peaceful place."

With regard to the EU, Jagland stated, "The EU is one of the top manufacturers of armaments worldwide, and a significant number of its member countries are engaged in occupations in Iraq and Afghanistan, all operating to further world peace."

Jagland went on to opine that the contributions of Obama and the EU to world harmony, while impressive, paled in comparison to that of terrorist Osama bin Laden, who, by dying, made the world, and especially New York City, a more peaceful place.

"Some people's world contribution to world peace comes through life," stated the committee chair. "For bin Laden, it came in death."

He added that, quite fittingly, bin Laden's death was remarkably peaceful: he was killed by U.S. Navy SEALs while at home, in his bedroom, unarmed, with no opportunity to resist.

Vowed Jagland, "We intend to honor that in 2013."

- Chrissy Benson
Contributing Writer

SHARE STORY
MORE world NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Group of feminists vow to strip naked and walk across DMZ between North and South Korea to prove how uptight both nations are «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «» Taylor Swift says she plans to try speed dating because she's short on time and wants to pull together material for a new album «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «»
US State Department confirms that an airstrike has killed top al Qaeda leader Myhstar Belmyhstar in the Syrian port city of Kyrie «» Group of feminists vow to strip naked and walk across DMZ between North and South Korea to prove how uptight both nations are «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «» Dept Of Veteran's Affairs to pay benefits to thousands of Vietnam War veterans who may have been exposed to Jane Fonda in the early '70s «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» LeBron James challenges Golden State to double or nothing, winner take all game of HORSE «» Massachusetts woman accused of forcing elderly mother to commute with her to and from work in order to drive in HOV lane «» Taylor Swift says she plans to try speed dating because she's short on time and wants to pull together material for a new album «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «»