Sunday | September 25, 2016
Osama bin Laden Shoo-In For 2013 Nobel Peace Prize
The Nobel Peace Prize committee lauds the posthumous accomplishments of the former al Qaeda leader.

OSLO, Norway (CAP) - The committee that awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama in 2009 and to the European Union in 2012 is rumored to have earmarked its 2013 recipient of the esteemed award: Osama bin Laden, founder of al-Qaeda, the jihadist organization that claimed responsibility for the September 11 attacks on the United States.

Many took issue with the 2009 and 2012 awards, arguing that Obama and the EU hardly fall within the description laid out by the creator of the Nobel Peace Prize, Alfred Nobel, who specified that the Peace Prize shall be awarded to the person who "shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

However, committee chair Thorbjorn Jagland explained that this description was not meant to be taken overly literally.

"Thanks in large part to Obama, the United States is the biggest world spender on defense, and its current military spending is higher than at any time in its entire history," Jagland said in defense of what were some unlikely past choices by the committee. "Certainly that's made our world a more peaceful place."

With regard to the EU, Jagland stated, "The EU is one of the top manufacturers of armaments worldwide, and a significant number of its member countries are engaged in occupations in Iraq and Afghanistan, all operating to further world peace."

Jagland went on to opine that the contributions of Obama and the EU to world harmony, while impressive, paled in comparison to that of terrorist Osama bin Laden, who, by dying, made the world, and especially New York City, a more peaceful place.

"Some people's world contribution to world peace comes through life," stated the committee chair. "For bin Laden, it came in death."

He added that, quite fittingly, bin Laden's death was remarkably peaceful: he was killed by U.S. Navy SEALs while at home, in his bedroom, unarmed, with no opportunity to resist.

Vowed Jagland, "We intend to honor that in 2013."

- Chrissy Benson
Contributing Writer

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