Sunday | May 24, 2015
With Election Over, Nation Returns Focus To Halo 4
President Obama tells supporters not to ask what Master Chief can do for you, but what you can do for Master Chief.

KIRKLAND, Wash. (CAP) - After a grueling few months of aggressive advertising, social media chatter, and rising tensions leading up to November 6, the nation has finally made its decision: Halo 4 is awesome.

The Xbox game was released to enthusiastic crowds early last week, who braved long lines to get their chance to save the world.

"I've been looking forward to November 6 all year," said Peter Mackey, a student. "You rarely get this kind of opportunity. They've only made like four of them."

Halo 4 was produced by 343 Industries, a subsidiary of Microsoft. It follows the trials and tribulations of Master Chief, the hero who fights alien intruders and saves the earth.

"I totally relate to Master Chief," said Mark Fichtner, a gamer. "I just get the sense that he cares about me, you know?"

The game sold millions of copies in days and is receiving rave reviews.

"We were nervously watching the numbers all day," said Chris Morgan, a PR agent at Microsoft. "Things just kept getting better and better. I don't think Apple is too happy about it, but fuck those guys."

Some purchased Halo 4 by mail, having made their decision weeks ago.

"I couldn't wait to make my impact and buy a copy," said Dale Matheson, a student. "I've been waiting ever since I was a kid, which was a couple years ago. Every Xbox fan has a duty to buy one."

Not intending to change the subject, CAP News asked Halo 4 fans if they voted.

"Of course I vote. I vote for maps all the time in multiplayer mode," said Anthony Parker, a father of two. "You can't sit these things out."

Parker then realized his mistake. "Oh shit, you meant the election," he said. "Who won? I've been playing Halo all week."

- Chason Gordon
Contributing Writer

SHARE STORY
MORE tech NEWS
RELATED STORIES
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS
A new poll finds 73% of those who would buy a consumer drone plan to use it to fire BB's at neighborhood dogs who come into their yard to poop «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «» Apple accidentally unveils new watch at 12pm instead of 1pm after forgetting to turn device forward an hour for daylight savings «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»
A new poll finds 73% of those who would buy a consumer drone plan to use it to fire BB's at neighborhood dogs who come into their yard to poop «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «» Apple accidentally unveils new watch at 12pm instead of 1pm after forgetting to turn device forward an hour for daylight savings «» JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong «» Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish" «» ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important" «» NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president «» America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men «» NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season «» Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested «»