Wednesday | November 26, 2014
Desperate Trump Ponies Up $5 Mil For Obama's Blood
The Donald even had his own bloodmobile outfitted for the special blood retrieval.

NEW YORK (CAP) - After failing to entice Sarah Palin with a $5 million offer to share her gynecological records and then finding himself shuttled off the front page by Hurricane Sandy, a dejected Donald Trump has once again taken to YouTube in an attempt to spend the money burning a hole in his pocket.

"My friends, I recently came before you and offered Mr. Obama an opportunity to donate five million dollars to any charity he wanted and all he had to do was release a few sheets of paper concerning his past," began the video, which featured Trump sitting in a large chair, stroking a cat. "This only strengthens my belief that Mr. Obama is not who he claims to be. The American people deserve the truth."

The impetuous and often polarizing Trump then went on to revamp his proposal so that it was no longer directed only at the president, but rather the public at large.

"Here's my new offer, people. I will donate five million dollars to the charity of your choice if you provide me with just one pint of Mr. Obama's blood."

The exact purpose of the blood was not explained in the video, but pundits point to Trump's eagerness to create more transparency in the current administration.

"Mr. Trump has long been interested in convincing the Obama White House to open up about the president's past," says Fox political analyst Robin Norwood. "What better way to learn all there is to know about a man than to collect a sample of his blood?"

For his part, Trump seemed unconcerned with the methodology surrounding the collection of the blood sample, stating, "If you can get him to sit down and donate the blood like a real man, which I doubt, that will be just fine. If you have to use some other means, well, that's just fine too. I just want that blood."

The video, which was released on Mr. Trump's YouTube channel this morning, has already collected over two million views, not to mention a slew of comments.

"God Bless Trump for seaking (sic) the truth!" said YouTube user TeaPartyAnimal.

Another user, NOBAMA2012, chimed in with this comment, "I'll bet you anything that his blood isn't even red! That otta prove without a doubt that he isn't American!"

While this latest challenge from Trump might have some thinking twice about the president and his potential re-election, it remains unclear just what exactly Trump has planned for the pint of blood.

- Winston Ward
Contributing Writer

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Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «» Kmart asks employees to celebrate Thanksgiving the weekend before so they can work on Thanksgiving itself «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «»