Saturday | May 25, 2013
MOST EMAILED
CAUGHT ON FILM
@JimInhofe #GovernmentBaleOuts
A couple pro-pitchfork activists fight anti-pitchfork legislation during a recent rally in Washington, DC.
FROM THE VAULT
May 25, 2007
Steroid Scandal Costs Rocky ChampionshipSteroid Scandal Costs Rocky Championship
Fake Advertisement

MUSIC

Springsteen's E Street Band Suffering From 'Exhaustion'

Springsteen's E Street Band Suffering From 'Exhaustion'
Having already worn out the entire country of Finland, The Boss took his wailing guitar to the empty streets of London because he just can't stop.

HELSINKI (CAP) - Several members of Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band were admitted to the Helsinki University Central Hospital last week, apparently suffering from exhaustion following a concert at Olympic Stadium that lasted anywhere from four to nine hours, according to various reports.

"It was harrowing ... they just started dropping like flies," said Lasse Hamalainen, one of the few audience members to make it through the entirety of the mammoth performance.

Most accounts have keyboardist Roy Bittan, 63, being the first to show signs of fatigue, missing some notes in the piano solo on "Backstreets" around hour five, and then falling unconscious with his head on his keyboard.

"It made sort of a plinky sound," noted Hamalainen.

Others soon followed, including guitarist Nils Lofgren, 61, who collapsed behind the horn section Fender guitar in hand, and bassist Garry W. Tallent, 62, who curled up into a fetal position on one of the stage risers.

Witnesses say that shortly thereafter Max Weinberg's arms froze in an upraised position during "Candy's Room" and the 61-year-old drummer fell over backwards, "sort of like an uprooted Greek statue," said Hamalainen.

All through the carnage Springsteen, 63, continued to rally the crowd, waving his arms, sliding across the stage on his knees and hanging upside down off his microphone stand.

"He never slowed down, except when he tried to crowd surf over the 'pit' in front of the stage and as it turned out most of the crowd had passed out by around hour eight," said Hamalainen.

Luckily for Springsteen, two large men who had managed to stay conscious - identified only as "Aleksi" and "Joonas" - were able to hold him aloft until he could get back to the stage.

Witnesses report that by the 12th encore the entire band was strewn out around the stage in various states of consciousness, from staggeringly dazed (saxophonist Jake Clemons) to full-fledged coma (Steven Van Zandt, looking not unlike his character Silvio Dante in the last episode of The Sopranos).

"When he realized there was no one backing him up anymore, he ran offstage and grabbed his acoustic guitar" - Springsteen's guitar tech had apparently also passed out - "and started doing a solo show," said Hamalainen, who had taken to keep himself awake by pinching himself and burning his arm hairs off with a cigarette lighter.

Having run out of original compositions at this point, Springsteen launched into a medley of Pete Seeger classics, followed by three full songs that most people left described as "inane gibberish."

"But that's probably because we were mostly hallucinating at that point," said Hamalainen.

The show made headlines around the world for its unprecedented length and number of unconscious band members, with Brian Williams of ABC News calling it "one for the ages." This prompted fellow Springsteen fans Jon Stewart and Jimmy Fallon to storm the anchor desk and give him noogies.

Springsteen meanwhile helped local medical teams load his bandmates and unconscious audience members into ambulances and onto makeshift bunk beds to sleep the concert off. According to some accounts, he then resumed the show and it may still be ongoing.

- CAP News Staff
[COMMENT]
MORE showbiz NEWS
Rolex Submariner
bobswatches.com
Fake Advertisement

SponsoredTweets referral badge

  • Banner Stands
    » Browse banner stands by Post-Up Stand. Trade Show Displays, Retractable Banner Displays, and more. High quality, 48 hour turnaround time!
  • Prom Dresses 2013
    » Searching for the perfect dress to wear on your big night? Take a look from these styles who top the best-dressed lists all the time!
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2013 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
Parental advisory groups are up in arms over the naming of the new One Direction sports drink, simply called OD. "Other than their obvious lack of originality, it's the slogan we don't like," said Mothers Against Everything. "Have You OD'ed Today? isn't exactly the message we should be sending children." «» The battle between Rush Limbaugh and WABC heated up as the radio station blamed low ad revenues on Rush's sobriety. "Nobody gives a crap about his politics anymore," said a source. "What they want to hear is the crazy-ass shit he says when he's all hopped up on prescription drugs." «» Celebrity drunk Mel Gibson has come to the defense of Reese Witherspoon after the actress was charged with disorderly conduct during her husband's DUI stop. "That dyke didn't even use a single racial epithet," Gibson noted. "So the Jew media had better just leave that Episcopalian bimbo the hell alone!" «» Singer Carrie Underwood is facing vandalism charges today after digging her key into the side of a vehicle owned by Academy of Country Music chairwoman Sarah Trahern and slashing a hole in all four tires. "And maybe next time she'll think before she picks Entertainer Of The Year," Underwood said. «» Justin Bieber continues to lash out via social networking, this time accusing the media of fabricating stories about him taking a trip to rehab. "That Selena Gomez breakup must have hit him really hard," said gossip columnist Perez Hilton. "Because he clearly needs to get laid in a bad way." «» Police in Nicasio, Calif. have arrested actor Billy Dee Williams on charges of trespassing after he was caught banging on the door of Skywalker Ranch, demanding that George Lucas include him in the newest Star Wars movie. He threatened to "go Boba Fett on your ass, George!" if he wasn't. «» Major League Baseball has signed an exclusive deal with the document sharing app Evernote to disseminate player steroid information among managers real-time during games. "Sometimes it's tough to tell if a guy's juicing," said one manager. "But thanks to this app, I'll know without even leaving the dugout steps." «» The UN has awarded North Korea Most Angry Nation status, elevating the Asian state alongside the likes of Syria, Iran and Israel. The new standing affords Kim Jong Un complimentary anger management counseling as well as a coupon for a free hug from a world leader of his choice. «» Tiger Woods has accepted Sergio Garcia's apology for his racist fried chicken comment, saying, "It's okay, because I actually really like fried chicken. And I'm not really black. In fact, I'm more Asian than anything. So if you want to insult me, you should use fried rice, not fried chicken." «» Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries has caved to the backlash against his discriminatory marketing, saying he will open a new store called Abercrombie & Fatso. "I'm telling you right now, plus sizes means plus prices," he said. "But I think if anyone can make fat people cool, it's me." «»
Parental advisory groups are up in arms over the naming of the new One Direction sports drink, simply called OD. "Other than their obvious lack of originality, it's the slogan we don't like," said Mothers Against Everything. "Have You OD'ed Today? isn't exactly the message we should be sending children." «» The battle between Rush Limbaugh and WABC heated up as the radio station blamed low ad revenues on Rush's sobriety. "Nobody gives a crap about his politics anymore," said a source. "What they want to hear is the crazy-ass shit he says when he's all hopped up on prescription drugs." «» Celebrity drunk Mel Gibson has come to the defense of Reese Witherspoon after the actress was charged with disorderly conduct during her husband's DUI stop. "That dyke didn't even use a single racial epithet," Gibson noted. "So the Jew media had better just leave that Episcopalian bimbo the hell alone!" «» Singer Carrie Underwood is facing vandalism charges today after digging her key into the side of a vehicle owned by Academy of Country Music chairwoman Sarah Trahern and slashing a hole in all four tires. "And maybe next time she'll think before she picks Entertainer Of The Year," Underwood said. «» Justin Bieber continues to lash out via social networking, this time accusing the media of fabricating stories about him taking a trip to rehab. "That Selena Gomez breakup must have hit him really hard," said gossip columnist Perez Hilton. "Because he clearly needs to get laid in a bad way." «» Police in Nicasio, Calif. have arrested actor Billy Dee Williams on charges of trespassing after he was caught banging on the door of Skywalker Ranch, demanding that George Lucas include him in the newest Star Wars movie. He threatened to "go Boba Fett on your ass, George!" if he wasn't. «» Major League Baseball has signed an exclusive deal with the document sharing app Evernote to disseminate player steroid information among managers real-time during games. "Sometimes it's tough to tell if a guy's juicing," said one manager. "But thanks to this app, I'll know without even leaving the dugout steps." «» The UN has awarded North Korea Most Angry Nation status, elevating the Asian state alongside the likes of Syria, Iran and Israel. The new standing affords Kim Jong Un complimentary anger management counseling as well as a coupon for a free hug from a world leader of his choice. «» Tiger Woods has accepted Sergio Garcia's apology for his racist fried chicken comment, saying, "It's okay, because I actually really like fried chicken. And I'm not really black. In fact, I'm more Asian than anything. So if you want to insult me, you should use fried rice, not fried chicken." «» Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries has caved to the backlash against his discriminatory marketing, saying he will open a new store called Abercrombie & Fatso. "I'm telling you right now, plus sizes means plus prices," he said. "But I think if anyone can make fat people cool, it's me." «»