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Mayer Offers Fetus-Based Yahoo Business Strategy
SUNNYVALE, Calif. (CAP) - Yahoo's recently hired Pregnant Lady CEO Marissa Mayer is already raising eyebrows in the business community for implementing a controversial redesign of the internet search giant's website.
One of Mayer's first efforts as the new, with-child CEO of Yahoo was to add a 'Baby Name' search box to the top of Yahoo's main homepage, displacing the standard internet search field.
Critics are concerned that this baffling move offers one example of why an emotionally unstable female should not be given leadership of a large, once-profitable company.
"I think it's obvious that this knocked-up, non-male candidate is a bad fit for the role of CEO, and that Yahoo's board is going to realize its mistake very shortly, if it hasn't already," said CAP News business analyst Morty Shane.
"Reports indicate that everyone's afraid to tell [Mayer] this, though, because they're worried that she'll start crying and get all hysterical," he added.
In fact, Yahoo's hiring of its new She-EO, who is best known for acting as though she has a legitimate claim to work as an executive despite the fact that she has a gestating embryo inside her uterus, has ignited a long-simmering public debate about whether it's possible for a woman to "have it all" - in this case, it all referring to a leadership role in business, along with female reproductive organs.
Mayer has also been subjected to speculation regarding how she obtained the position.
"Questions have certainly been raised about whether Marissa slept her way to the top," said marketing strategist Robert Giles. "I'm not saying that's the only way a girl can be hired on as CEO for a prestigious company - but it's the only one I can think of.
"Her possibly related pregnancy is not going to help her cause, either, since is proves that she is sexually active," noted Giles. "And most business executives ultimately don't respect whores."
Giles added that the fact that Mayer is a "total babe" has also led to doubt with regard to her qualifications. "Still, Marissa Mayer is one CEO I wouldn't mind putting a baby inside, myself," he said with a laugh. "Along with that hot slut Jamie Dimon, of course."
Shane has suggested that the Lady Executive's pregnancy may actually prove to be an asset in the long run, especially if the child is a boy, whom Shane notes "could potentially be tapped to handle some of her more challenging responsibilities - particularly during that time of the month."
Other questionable business decisions Mayer has made since taking office include altering the Yahoo logo and replacing the O's with hearts, redecorating the company's Sunnyvale headquarters in shades of pink and lavender, and replacing oil portraits of past CEOs with Georgia O'Keeffe paintings.
"When she demanded that the menu in the executive dining room be expanded to include pickles and ice cream at all times, several key executives almost quit," said a source within the company, who preferred to remain anonymous.
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