Sunday | July 24, 2016
Romney Condemns Gay Marriage At PFLAG Meeting
"You're ALL gay ... and your mother dresses you funny!" Romney told PFLAG members.

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Fresh off his appearance in front of the NAACP, where he was roundly booed for criticizing President Barack Obama, GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney appeared before the national chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) to talk about his opposition of same-sex marriage.

"Marriage is between a man and a woman, and that's that," Romney told the crowd yesterday, prompting more than 40 simultaneous "glitter bombs" that left him sparkly for the rest of the speech.

It's one in a series of Romney campaign appearances that have prompted less than enthusiastic responses from the audience. Other recent incidents include:

- A stop at the annual convention for the League of United Latin American Citizens (LULAC) in Corpus Christi, where Romney said, "What we need is policy that will get all you people to self-deport yourselves. Who's with me?" The statement was met with stony silence, followed by a smattering of boos and finally a wrestler in a blue mask who tried to catapult himself off the ropes on top of Romney and was restrained by bodyguards.

- A speech for the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations (CoP), where Romney told the crowd, "Israel is a great ally of the United States, even if I don't agree with your religion, its odd customs or its lack of special underpants. Also, Barbra Streisand - what's the appeal there?" This prompted the entire crowd to declare "Oy!" and slap its foreheads in unison.

- An address before the National Organization for Women that Romney opened up by saying, "Thanks for taking the time to leave your kitchens and come see me. So what do you chicks do around here for fun?" He was then pelted by burning bras.

- An appearance at the National Poverty Center at which he just said "Get a job!" and left.

Some have questioned Romney's judgment in addressing these groups, but conservative pundits say he's likely offending them on purpose to stir up his base. "Or at least the portion of his base that can't stand blacks, gays, immigrants or women," said TV and radio host Sean Hannity. "You know, real Americans."

Advisors close to Romney, who declined to be named, admitted that courting even a tiny portion of the black vote was a fruitless enterprise, noting John McCain's utter failure in that regard in 2008, despite a highly publicized endorsement from Little Black Sambo.

"We're much better off getting the rich white folks all riled up to come out and vote," said one advisor, noting how well this demographic had responded to other Romney strategies, such as his promise to move the U.S. in a new direction via tugboats.

As for Romney, he seemed unrepentant as he left the PFLAG meeting covered with glitter. "Actually, maybe it's all these sparkly things, but I feel fabulous," he said. "I haven't felt this good since I left Bain Capital in 2002. Er, 1999."

This prompted his advisors to declare "Oy!" and slap their foreheads in unison.

- CAP News Staff

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