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Wolfgang Van Halen Sick Of Being Hit On By 45-Yr-Olds
SANTA MONICA (CAP) - Wolfgang Van Halen, the 21-year-old son of Eddie Van Halen and current bassist in his father's namesake band, has been traumatized by the advances of dozens of middle-age groupies during the band's U.S tour, he told Guitar World this month.
"It would be one thing if they were, like, attractive, but none of them are even as hot as my mom," Wolfgang told the magazine. "And to be honest I just got a little nauseous just making that comparison."
Paparazzi photos outside venues on Van Halen's current tour show large groups of women aged 40 to 55, many of them practically bursting from their leather pants and 1982 Van Halen Hide Your Sheep Tour t-shirts.
"One old lady said I remember the day you were born! and then tried to stick her tongue in my mouth," recalled Wolfgang, visibly shaken. "I had to fight her off with my Fender."
Among the aging groupies is New Jersey mother of three Barbara Linebach, 42, who's already attended four shows on this tour - two in New York plus one each in Philadelphia and Boston - wearing her recently purchased assless chaps.
"I'll admit, I can't keep my hands off him," she said of Wolfgang when interviewed outside Van Halen's Boston Garden show in March, waiting for the band's arrival among hundreds of other assless-chapped middle-aged women.
"He's so cute and pudgy - he reminds me of my favorite stock boy at Shop-Rite," Linebach said, "who I also can't keep my hands off ... Don't tell my husband. Woo-hoo, I'm drunk!"
Not everyone shares Wolfgang Van Halen's disgust with the aging Van Halen fan base, however. "I keep telling the kid, poontang is poontang!" said lead singer David Lee Roth. "So said the sage, don't matter the age, poon's all the rage! Boze-de-boze-de-bop, city-bop!"
"I have no idea what Dave is talking about half the time," admitted Wolfgang. "I'm pretty sure he's got early onset Alzheimer's."
According to Guitar World, many of Van Halen's current crop of groupies have spent years eagerly waiting the current tour, in recent times being reduced to throwing themselves at air guitar players and being covered by Bono with authentic Russian shawls.
"They're totally desperate - it's downright frightening," said Wolfgang, who acknowledged that Van Halen agreed to postpone 30 of its tour dates later this summer to give their young bassist a break from the middle-aged groupies' constant advances.
"Well that, and because Dave and my dad keep trying to kill each other," he said.
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