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APPLE
iPad Users Pretty Much OK With Them Catching Fire
CUPERTINO, Calif. (CAP) - Reports of the new version of the iPad heating to exorbitant temperatures have not fazed Apple's customers, who say that to have the company's latest technology they're more than willing to put up with slight inconveniences, such as catching on fire.
"It's really not a big deal," said Vallco Mall shopper Pete Hearst, 29, while tossing his iPad back and forth from hand to hand to avoid burning his fingers. "Just don't hold it for too long, or touch it, and it's not really a problem.
"I mean, look at that screen!" he added. "The picture's not even blurry even though I'm tossing it in the air. I mean, wow."
In Cambridge, Mass., longtime Apple products user Jason Knowlton, 22, agreed, noting that the screen resolution was "just awesome - did you know it has more colors than the human eye can see?" Particularly Knowlton's eyes, which were burned when flames shot out of his device 10 minutes after he first started using it.
"But it was the best 10 minutes of my life," he said, noting that the blindness is only temporary, and actually less painful than the time he accidentally inhaled an iPod shuffle.
According to Apple spokesperson Shelley Chambers, the new iPad is actually operating within technical specifications, "give or take a few dozen degrees."
"Early adopters understand that each iteration of a new technology is going to have its own unique facets," and that some of those facets could involve excess heat or the occasional explosion, she said.
"The early astronauts knew about those risks, and so do Apple customers," said Chambers. "It's sort of like the same thing."
Users of the Microsoft Zune have faced similar issues with their devices, seeing early models shut down on New Year's Eve and cause acute dermatitis. Asked whether more recent models have resolved those issues, Microsoft spokesman Paul Schlemp responded, "You mean we still make those?"
Schlemp declined to comment on whether the current iPad problems could be related to the exploding European iPhones and iPads that Microsoft was accused of sabotaging in 2009. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to time out your operation while waiting for a response from the receiving (POP) server," he said.
"Just a little Microsoft humor there," he added, then laughed like a donkey.
As for Apple, some have pointed out that the iPad problems seem to be exclusive to the new model, a far cry from original iterations, which were known to cause spontaneous orgasms.
"No orgasms this time," confirmed iPad user Mark Mantone, 35, of San Diego, who instead received first-degree burns to his groin area. "But I'm sure they'll figure it out eventually," he added, noting that he'd come up with a perfectly acceptable temporary workaround involving tongs and oven mitts.
In fact, Apple spokesperson Chambers confirmed that Apple would be rolling out the iPad 3++ next week, effectively making the models customers bought last time around all but obsolete. Upon hearing the news, blinded iPad user Knowlton felt his way to the line that had already formed outside the Cambridgeside Galleria Apple Store, where he plans to spend the next week sleeping on the sidewalk.
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