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ELECTION 2012
CHICAGO (CAP) - In an unusual move, it appears that former presidential contender and current Mitt Romney backer Donald Trump has pulled Romney from the campaign trail so the embattled candidate can relax for a day.
"If anyone needs a day off, it's Romney," said Trump. "He has a lot of things to sort out ... can't be wound up this tight and become president, his VP will kill him."
Trump endorsed Romney several weeks ago, and said today he was spending the day escorting Romney - who spent his last day off under a desk - through the streets of Chicago.
The pair was expected to attend a game at Wrigley Field and visit the Sears Tower, the Art Institute of Chicago and the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, and take part in the Von Steuben Day Parade. Trump says the day off will be key to turning around Romney's flagging campaign, which he says is vital if he's going to secure the GOP nomination.
"If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit," Trump said. "She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."
Told that Romney actually did marry the first girl he'd slept with some 42 years ago, Trump said, "See?"
Romney, who is facing an uphill battle against a surging Rick Santorum in Michigan, reportedly resisted the suggestion at first, prompting Trump to respond, "If you're not over here in 15 minutes, you can find a new best friend."
Sources close to the Romney campaign said that Romney spent a full half-hour getting in and out of his car before going to meet Trump, muttering to himself, "He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is ridiculous, OK, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go."
Fellow GOP candidate Newt Gingrich, meanwhile, reportedly caught wind of the outing while preparing for his moon launch, and has spent the day trying to prove that Romney was not "home sick," contrary to what the former Massachusetts governor told his campaign workers before not showing up for the day.
"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind," said Gingrich, right before falling in the mud and being attacked by a dog.
As of press time it was not clear whether Romney had returned from his day off, but asked about his actions, fellow GOP candidate Ron Paul said they were unimportant compared to the economic issues facing the nation.
"It's just like what happened during the Depression," said Paul. "In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the ... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered? ... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone?"
But even former candidate Michelle Bachmann, still recovering from her turnip truck injury, had to admit that Trump's influence could only help Romney's campaign, owing to the Apprentice star's universal popularity. "The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him," she said. "They think he's a righteous dude."
Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, could not be reached for comment.
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