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John Edwards Suffering Serious Karma Condition
GREENSBORO, N.C. (CAP) - A federal judge disclosed Friday that former presidential candidate John Edwards has a life-threatening karma condition, a court source confirmed to CAP News.
Edwards' criminal corruption trial has been delayed until at least March 26, according to the court source. Judge Catherine Eagles said she has been in contact with Edwards' karmalogist, who recommended a postponement, saying Edwards might not survive the massive bout of karma he finds himself facing.
Edwards is accused of violating federal election law by using nearly $1 million in illegal campaign donations to conceal an extramarital affair with his videographer, Rielle Hunter. Edwards admitted to making a sex tape and fathering a daughter with Hunter while his wife, Elizabeth, was dying of cancer.
"Given his background, it is not surprising that he is susceptible to bad karma," noted the karmalogist, Dr. Aagneya Deshpande, who added that he's somewhat surprised that Edwards hasn't already been crushed by some large falling object, like a boulder.
"Something very, very, very, very bad is coming at John Edwards like a runaway freight train," said Dr. Deshpande. "I'm just saying."
One legal expert, Professor Tom Patrick of the Ave Maria School of Law, said he doubted that Edwards' karma condition would influence a jury verdict.
"Edwards' serious problems with karma may prompt the public, including potential jurors, to view him in a more sympathetic light," said Patrick. "But probably not. I mean, how can you not hate the guy?"
"I'm just saying," added Patrick.
It's true that even if Edwards' survives his karma issues, attorneys are expected to have difficulty finding a jury not predisposed to hating his guts.
"To this day, whenever his name gets mentioned, my wife punches me," said Mark Fresnel, 45, of San Antonio, Texas. Fresnel is one of several men who took part in a Pew Research Center study that showed many women were taking Edwards' behavior out on their husbands. "If I got on that jury I'd vote for the death penalty."
"Plus he would constantly be using my toothpaste and then denying it," said Fred Thompson, Edwards' roommate on MTV's short-lived 2008 reality series, Real World: Ex-Presidential Candidates. "I'm not surprised that's catching up to him, the bastard."
Dr. Deshpande said that if Edwards survives his karma condition he could be ready to face trial in March, although he likened Edwards' chances to those of "one of those kids in the Final Destination movies."
"In my 30 years as a karmalogist I'm not sure if I've ever seen a condition this serious," he noted, adding that that when in doubt, it's wise to remember that when it comes to karma, "payback's a bitch."
"I'm just saying," he added, again.
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