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Wal-Mart Boots Sarah Palin For Bothering Patrons
WASILLA, Alaska (CAP) - Former half-term Alaska governor and 2008 GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin had to cut her Black Friday shopping short when was asked to leave the local Wal-Mart after constantly stopping customers to give them her opinion on various news items.
"At first, she was stood right next to me while I was welcoming people to Wal-Mart," said 86-year old Friday morning greeter Wallop Fish. "But then she started grabbing the shopping cart from my hands and thrusting it at the customer and saying things about that Coach Sandusky or Obama being born in Africa or the high cost of cosmetics and such."
Fish said that at first, customers thought it was "kinda neat" to be assaulted by Palin, but then she got more aggressive and started following patrons into the store. When store management asked her to leave, Palin reportedly made a dash for the women's bathroom where she sat in a locked stall trying to engage female customers who needed to use the facilities with her opinion about the political news of the day.
"It sounded to me like she was more worried about the football players at Penn State than she was about the kids that coach cornholed, allegedly, I mean," patron Mitzi Ingnuk said. "All I wanted to do was take a quick leak, and she just would not shut up. As soon as she heard me shut the stall door, she started right in.
"I thought the voice sounded familiar, but I was surprised to find out it was Sarah Palin," added Ingnuk. "I thought it was just some crazy cat lady or something."
Fellow customer and restroom user Millie Henderson agreed.
"I asked her when she took a breath once and I could get a word in edgewise, what about the boys what got reamed?" said Henderson. "And she starts in on something about when she was a kid and the hockey coaches and learning to relax while it's happening and think of something nice, like Christmas.
"I asked her what if some coach did something like that to Trig," Henderson added. "She got quiet for a second and changed the subject to world socialism."
Palin barricaded herself in the ladies' room for three hours until Wasilla police pried off the toilet stall door. But Palin again managed to elude capture and scampered to the sporting goods section where she started laying her hands on customers and "casting out demons."
Alaska Natural Resources personnel were finally able to take her down with a tranquilizer dart.
"It's not the craziest thing she's ever done, from what I've heard, but it was plenty crazy," store manager Walt McKenna said. "Enough to give me the willies, I'll tell ya, and I've been to San Francisco ... twice!"
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