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Michelle Obama Booed At Thanksgiving Dinner
WASHINGTON (CAP) - Michelle Obama's week went from bad to worse as the First Lady found herself the subject of a round of booing while she served Thanksgiving dinner at the White House today. Eyewitness reports had difficulty identifying the origination of the booing, which by many accounts appeared to be scattered throughout the dining room.
"Secret Service agents believed they had pinpointed the source of the booing to the kids' table, but further investigation revealed a possible second booer situated behind the coffee cart," said White House deputy press secretary Jamie Smith. "We're reviewing security footage at this time."
The CAP News Forensics Team was able to obtain said footage and re-enact the booing in question in a makeshift laboratory set up in the West Wing. Those results combined with advanced audionomics allowed the team to triangulate the unilateral angles of the bidirectional booing and thus identify the alleged second booer within 99.6% accuracy.
"I mean, I, uhh, wasn't planning on booing her, but I heard the kids and you know how you just kinda get caught up in that stuff," said President Obama as he took a second piece of dark meat. "That said, what I did was wrong, but there are more lumps in the gravy than there are in the mashed potatoes. Just saying."
Following word of the CAP News findings, White House officials then tried to downplay the incident, saying that "Mrs. Obama enjoyed dinnertime with her family and was looking forward to a modest helping of dessert followed by a brisk walk to offset the extra caloric intake." Some staffers told CAP News it was likely the First Lady's excessive focus on healthy eating that led to Boogate to begin with.
"Oh my God, enough with the turnips already - it's not like anybody actually eats them," said one dinner guest. "And seriously, how many different squashes do you need in one meal? I'm not touching anything named hubbard, I can tell you that much."
According to reports from other staff members and invited guests, events that transpired prior to dinner being served may also have contributed to the booing incident. One guest who arrived early managed to capture cell phone video of a frantic Michelle asking daughters Sasha and Malia to set the table.
"No, that spoon goes above the plate and - Oh, my God! You call that folding napkins?!?" says Michelle as she explodes at the girls in the grainy video. "I said fold them into little turkeys! No one's going to wipe their mouth on a frigging crumpled napkin ball! What is wrong - wait.
"Where the Hell is your father?!?" she adds before the video cuts out.
Reports that Michelle gave everyone the finger when she realized she was being booed remain unfounded, but those in attendance generally agree she did shoot a series of symbolic icy stares at the president that indicated he will be spending nights on the sofa in the hallway outside the Lincoln Bedroom for the foreseeable future.
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