Tuesday | May 21, 2013
MOST EMAILED
CAUGHT ON FILM
@OJSimpson #TheBrightestBulb
Ironic how many times OJ has seen the inside of a courtroom since his days as the affable Mac on Night Court. (CAP File Photo)
FROM THE VAULT
May 20, 2011
Oprah Lands Jesus As Surprise Final GuestOprah Lands Jesus As Surprise Final Guest
Fake Advertisement

TELEVISION

Newest HBO Series To Feature Swearing, Breasts

Newest HBO Series To Feature Swearing, Breasts

NEW YORK (CAP) - HBO is touting a new drama series that executives say will "break new ground" in the realm of swearing and showing women's breasts.

"There will be a lot of F-words," promised HBO Vice President of Programming Mitch Frankel. "And if there's an occasion to show a woman taking her shirt off, or not wearing a shirt, or putting a shirt on when she previously had not been wearing one, this show will be taking advantage of that."

The yet-to-be-titled series will star an actor who was critically acclaimed in the '90s but who hasn't had a hit recently, and feature several talented character actors whose faces look familiar but whom you can't name. Also in the cast will be three to five attractive women who don't mind showing their bare breasts on camera.

"That's really key to the whole enterprise," said Frankel, who said that fortunately, HBO continues to be "bombarded" with resumes from actresses without shirts on. "I'm not sure if some of them even own shirts," Frankel said.

As for the swearing, Frankel promises that while a typical one-hour episode will contain 200-300 F-words, the swearing in the show will go far beyond that in its diversity. "You can expect S-words, C-words, M-words, W-words - I don't even know what that last one is, but we'll have it," he said.

Washington Post TV critic Tom Shales said industry buzz has been positive for the new project, which is also said to have a wide array of actors simulating sex "in various positions, not just doggy style like in many HBO shows."

These positions are rumored to include the "stairway to heaven," the "waterfall" and the "hovering butterfly," Shales said, noting that he was aware of them because he reads Men's Health magazine.

But - unlike with the spate of recent Twitter-inspired programs - "they'll do it in an artful way, in service to the plot, with great actors," according to Shales. They'll also likely keep the scenes short enough to make them difficult to masturbate to, he said.

"But not impossible," he added, winking.

Not everyone is happy about the announcement, however. Darlene Fortenski of Mothers Against Everything (MAE) noted that she was flipping around the channels when she came across an episode of HBO's Game Of Thrones, which she said she initially thought must be a new game show.

"Until the brother and sister started having intercourse and pushed that little boy out the window," she noted, whispering "intercourse."

She suggested that HBO's next show should feature upstanding young people who speak well and remain fully dressed. "They could call it Good Choices And The City," she suggested.

But according to Frankel, the network continues to move in the opposite direction, particularly since the CW's Sean Adams show - about a randy surfer dude who accidentally founds the United States - beat HBO's John Adams in the ratings.

"We know where our bread is buttered," said Frankel, adding, "Wait ... is that a sex position?"

- CAP News Staff
[COMMENT]
MORE showbiz NEWS
Rolex Submariner
bobswatches.com
Fake Advertisement

SponsoredTweets referral badge

  • Banner Stands
    » Browse banner stands by Post-Up Stand. Trade Show Displays, Retractable Banner Displays, and more. High quality, 48 hour turnaround time!
  • Prom Dresses 2013
    » Searching for the perfect dress to wear on your big night? Take a look from these styles who top the best-dressed lists all the time!
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2013 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
Parental advisory groups are up in arms over the naming of the new One Direction sports drink, simply called OD. "Other than their obvious lack of originality, it's the slogan we don't like," said Mothers Against Everything. "Have You OD'ed Today? isn't exactly the message we should be sending children." «» The battle between Rush Limbaugh and WABC heated up as the radio station blamed low ad revenues on Rush's sobriety. "Nobody gives a crap about his politics anymore," said a source. "What they want to hear is the crazy-ass shit he says when he's all hopped up on prescription drugs." «» Celebrity drunk Mel Gibson has come to the defense of Reese Witherspoon after the actress was charged with disorderly conduct during her husband's DUI stop. "That dyke didn't even use a single racial epithet," Gibson noted. "So the Jew media had better just leave that Episcopalian bimbo the hell alone!" «» Singer Carrie Underwood is facing vandalism charges today after digging her key into the side of a vehicle owned by Academy of Country Music chairwoman Sarah Trahern and slashing a hole in all four tires. "And maybe next time she'll think before she picks Entertainer Of The Year," Underwood said. «» Justin Bieber continues to lash out via social networking, this time accusing the media of fabricating stories about him taking a trip to rehab. "That Selena Gomez breakup must have hit him really hard," said gossip columnist Perez Hilton. "Because he clearly needs to get laid in a bad way." «» Police in Nicasio, Calif. have arrested actor Billy Dee Williams on charges of trespassing after he was caught banging on the door of Skywalker Ranch, demanding that George Lucas include him in the newest Star Wars movie. He threatened to "go Boba Fett on your ass, George!" if he wasn't. «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «» Researchers at Johns Hopkins University say they have isolated the hormone Honkytonkin, found predominantly in white males from Southern states. The protein is one of a new group of complex redneck carbohydrates similar genetically to white trash peptides and has the same molecular structure as cheap beer. «» Disney has crowned its newest official princess, a somewhat short and stocky stringy-haired character named Frumpy Fran. "The life and accomplishments of all the other princesses are way too unachievable for little girls," said a spokesperson. "Fran is basically the princess from the projects, which more girls can relate to." «» U.S. logging industry officials say these days, loggers are chopping down trees "just because" it's all they know how to do. "With the ailing housing market, dying newspaper industry and paperless billing, people aren't using as many trees," said one contractor. "Maybe some day people will need more fence posts." «»
Parental advisory groups are up in arms over the naming of the new One Direction sports drink, simply called OD. "Other than their obvious lack of originality, it's the slogan we don't like," said Mothers Against Everything. "Have You OD'ed Today? isn't exactly the message we should be sending children." «» The battle between Rush Limbaugh and WABC heated up as the radio station blamed low ad revenues on Rush's sobriety. "Nobody gives a crap about his politics anymore," said a source. "What they want to hear is the crazy-ass shit he says when he's all hopped up on prescription drugs." «» Celebrity drunk Mel Gibson has come to the defense of Reese Witherspoon after the actress was charged with disorderly conduct during her husband's DUI stop. "That dyke didn't even use a single racial epithet," Gibson noted. "So the Jew media had better just leave that Episcopalian bimbo the hell alone!" «» Singer Carrie Underwood is facing vandalism charges today after digging her key into the side of a vehicle owned by Academy of Country Music chairwoman Sarah Trahern and slashing a hole in all four tires. "And maybe next time she'll think before she picks Entertainer Of The Year," Underwood said. «» Justin Bieber continues to lash out via social networking, this time accusing the media of fabricating stories about him taking a trip to rehab. "That Selena Gomez breakup must have hit him really hard," said gossip columnist Perez Hilton. "Because he clearly needs to get laid in a bad way." «» Police in Nicasio, Calif. have arrested actor Billy Dee Williams on charges of trespassing after he was caught banging on the door of Skywalker Ranch, demanding that George Lucas include him in the newest Star Wars movie. He threatened to "go Boba Fett on your ass, George!" if he wasn't. «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «» Researchers at Johns Hopkins University say they have isolated the hormone Honkytonkin, found predominantly in white males from Southern states. The protein is one of a new group of complex redneck carbohydrates similar genetically to white trash peptides and has the same molecular structure as cheap beer. «» Disney has crowned its newest official princess, a somewhat short and stocky stringy-haired character named Frumpy Fran. "The life and accomplishments of all the other princesses are way too unachievable for little girls," said a spokesperson. "Fran is basically the princess from the projects, which more girls can relate to." «» U.S. logging industry officials say these days, loggers are chopping down trees "just because" it's all they know how to do. "With the ailing housing market, dying newspaper industry and paperless billing, people aren't using as many trees," said one contractor. "Maybe some day people will need more fence posts." «»