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iPhone 4S Breaks New Ground With iJobs CEO App
CUPERTINO, Calif. (CAP) - Hot on the heels of Apple's not-so-shocking announcement about the new iPhone 4S comes word the beefed-up smart phone contains a group of native applications the company says will revolutionize the technology industry. Dubbed the iJobs CEO Suite, the fully integrated set of apps makes high-level management decisions as easy as tapping the screen.
"iJobs is really geared toward small- to mid-sized businesses who need executive leadership but don't want the overhead associated with the likes of a CEO," product manager William Breniger told CAP News. "Once your company's financials and other records are loaded into the phone, iJobs takes it from there, delivering a C-level experience for a fraction of the cost.
"iJobs makes running your company so simple, a monkey could do it," added Breniger. "And let's face it, if you're Hewlett-Packard, you're already there."
To that end, the iJobs Suite is feature rich when it comes to some of the less tangible aspects of running a business such as social media profiles and real-time client response. Modules and add-ons such as Rumor Monger 1.0, Spin Doctor LX and backPedal '11 let employees continue to do their every day jobs even while the company's name gets dragged through the mud and its reputation spirals wildly out of control.
"Okay, so first we make sure the yang flag is set to no and the anti-chrysler scan is running," lead developer Keith Atkins said as his fingers slid across the iPhone 4S screen. "Then we enter our keywords in RM, leave Spin at five, drop bP to two percent and - done.
"Now the Hastings Reputation Management engine, or HRM, kicks in and handles - oh, wait. What the heck? Looks like iJobs just made sweeping changes to our company's product line with no regard for customer satisfaction," noted Atkins. "Oh, I see what I did. I accidentally had it set on zuckerberg. My bad."
According to Apple's iJobs white paper, the new app is modeled after the technology giant's iconic founder and former CEO Steve Jobs, who recently left the company to work at a Palo Alto, Calif. Radio Shack. CAP News sources inside Apple say current CEO Tim Cook has been using a beta version of the app since stepping into that role back in August.
"I'm not saying that Steve spent the last six months of his tenure with electrodes attached to his head so engineers could take thread dumps of his brain activity because Apple will tell you that technology doesn't exist yet," said the source. "But suffice it to say that Apple has done everything it can to make sure the essence of Steve Jobs continues to run that company for a long time."
As word spreads about Apple's new app, rumors persist that Google is moving forward with development of its myCEO online tool, a cloud-based offering meant to tap the collective knowledge of unemployed chief executives, not too unlike what Salesforce.com does for account management. No release date is yet known.
Shares of Apple stock traded significantly higher at the opening bell, buoyed by word of a free What Would Jobs Do? bumper sticker with every iPhone 4S purchase.
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