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So. Sudan Marks Freedom With 50% Off At Target
JUBA, So. Sudan (CAP) - While the celebratory sounds of their newfound liberty rang through the streets of the capital city of South Sudan, so too did the clang of construction as workers poured the foundation and raised the steel girders for the country's first department store, marking yet another step on the long road to independence.
"This is a great day for the Target Corporation," said Target CEO Gregg Steinhafel at the groundbreaking of the 160,000 square foot store. "We have long sought inroads to the Sudanese market and are proud that we can help the newly independent South Sudan both expect more and pay less!
"To you, South Sudan, I say - do not stop living in the red!" Steinhafel added to a loud round of raucous cheering and a lengthy standing ovation.
While the World Bank has indicated that South Sudan will need 20 years to build a stable government, Steinhafel has committed to having the new Target built by the end of the month. Furthermore, he said they'll mark the grand opening with the company's weeklong "50 For Freedom" sale, which includes 50% off all bakeware, bedding and most office supplies.
"Watching those trucks roll in with the big red logo on the side, I could not help but be filled with pride for all that we have fought," said one Juba citizen who brought his wife and 17 children to the ceremony. "And the smell of the exhaust from the construction vehicles - that is the smell of freedom, my friend!"
South Sudan president Salva Kiir echoed the Juba resident's sentiments, telling a jubilant throng of supporters that "millions of our countrymen died so we could have low prices." He said gone are the days when South Sudan citizens would have to take their lives into their hands and pay the outrageous prices and be subject to the ridiculous return policies of the Khartoum Wal-Mart.
"My people, let us not forget those who have given their lives to make the $259 Amazon Kindle possible," Kiir said. "Let us not forget that freedom is a journey, not a destination. Today, Target. Tomorrow, Starbucks!
"My people, you will have your Olive Garden and eat there, too!" Kiir raved as the crowd roared in agreement.
In a statement released by the White House, President Obama declared the United States' recognition of the sovereignty of South Sudan and implored the Sudanese people to take advantage of the later weekend hours offered by Target. He told the people of Sudan that "this Target is your Target" and if the checkout lines are too long, it is their duty as a free state to "open more registers and move your people along."
"Soon a proud Store Open banner will fly over the Juba Target and the map of capitalism will be redrawn," Obama said. "The giant red symbol of Target speaks to the blood that has been spilled, and the everyday low prices on Bounty paper towels and Resolve stain remover afford you the opportunity to clean it up and move forward as a new nation."
President Kiir said he appreciates America's support and hopes President Obama backs his talk with action by ensuring South Sudan gets an invite to this year's world leaders' holiday party.
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