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CAMPAIGN TRAIL
Michele Bachmann Injured In Fall From Truck
ROCK HILLL, SC (CAP) - Rep. Michele Bachmann's (R-MN) run for the White House got off to a rocky start yesterday as the presidential hopeful was rushed to the hospital following an accident during a campaign stop in this South Carolina town. Sources say she slipped and fell out of the bed of a truck in which she was riding after conducting a town hall-style meeting with voters.
"We received a call at 4:34pm that a woman riding in the back of a pickup truck carrying turnip, yam and other assorted vegetables attempted to stand up while the vehicle was in motion, lost her footing, and summarily fell out of the vehicle," police Capt. Joseph Getraer said at a press conference about the incident. "She was taken to Piedmont Medical Center where she is currently undergoing treatment."
A spokesperson for the hospital told CAP News that Bachmann's injuries did appear to be minor in nature and she is expected to be back on the campaign trail in the next day or so. However, they believe she may have sustained some head trauma during the fall as she kept insisting to doctors that the accident did not occur yesterday but actually took place "a long time ago."
"We ran a battery of tests and believe that her hair helped to brace her fall," said Dr. Joe Early. "So instead of plummeting to the ground like a rock, the aerodynamics of her head caused her to more or less float to the ground like a flake."
Doctors did say they fear the jarring motion of the fall could lead to delayed congnitive impairment and the possible onset of a condition known as Palindromiasis, whereby an otherwise capable person becomes prone to sudden outbursts of illogical and nonsensical statements. Symptoms tend to present over time while under duress.
"We've been studying Michele's speech and language patterns to create a baseline from which we hope to determine whether she has succumbed to the condition," said Dr. Mark Craig, head of Palintology at Tufts Medical Center. "What's odd is that our findings so far seem to indicate she's been suffering from Palindromiasis for quite some time.
"Clearly more research is needed because these results are too far-fetched to even be plausible," Craig added. "She's the type of statistical anomaly medical journals are made of. And late night TV monologues. Mostly the latter."
Once she is recovered, Bachmann reportedly plans to make her next campaign stop in Miami, Fla., where she will meet with advisors on a boat docked in Biscayne Bay. She then plans to conduct a question and answer session with reporters as soon as she gets off the boat, which will be carried live by CSPAN, CSPAN2 and Comedy Central.
"She brought that John Wayne spirit to Iowa, and we know she'll bring some Gilda Radner attitude to the Sunshine State," said Emily Litella, president of Floridians United for Bachmann's American Resolve. "We just know that FUBAR support will carry her all the way to the White House!"
Pundits generally agree that the mishap shouldn't hurt Bachmann's chances at the GOP nomination, especially considering that the swimsuit competition has yet to take place. Should the Republican party instead opt to nominate someone with some actual political prowess, it's believed Bachmann could easily run on the new 4 To 7 Party ticket.
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