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MOVIES
Critics Debate Whether 'Thor' Gayest Movie Ever
HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Thor, Kenneth Branagh's hit movie based on the classic Marvel comic book, has cleaned up at the box office but split critics, with some of them calling it the gayest movie of all time, and others saying that last year's Clash Of The Titans was much gayer.
"Most of Thor's 113 minutes felt vaguely gay, but the two or three sections that were really, truly gay were like brief flashes of gaiety that stood out like Morse code messages from another, gayer movie," wrote Dana Andrews of Salon.com.
Richard Roeper of ReelzChannel disagreed, however, saying in his review that "Thor is the gayest superhero debut since the original Batman, the really gay one from the '60s where Robin wore those little green briefs."
The controversy centers on star Chris Hemsworth, whose long golden locks and "impossibly, almost unbearably buff" pectoral muscles combine with his tight-fitting bodice and tremendous hammer to make Thor "the gayest movie of the decade, bar none," to quote Amy Biancolli of Houston Chronicle.
But others say that last year's Clash Of The Titans, with its array of Greek gods whose "fabulous" home base features a series of gleaming phallic spires and sparkling fog "right out of a Studio 54 floor show," was "seriously gayer," to quote A.O. Scott of the New York Times.
"Clash Of The Titans was like Brokeback Mount Olympus!" noted Dancing With The Stars judge Bruno Tonioli, questioned about the controversy during a Town Hall meeting in New Hampshire while promoting his campaign for the GOP presidential nomination.
Still another faction, however, insists that both movies pale in comparison to 2007's 300, based loosely on the true story of the Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae. "I challenge anybody to watch even five minutes of 300 and tell me that it's not the gayest thing ever captured on film," said NPR's Bob Mondello.
"Honey, 300 out-gays Thor on any day of the week," agreed Marc Hurwitz, whose Facebook group "300 Is The Gayest Thing Ever Captured On Film" has more than 500,000 members, far more than his previously most popular group, "I Desperately Want Hugh Jackman To Be Gay."
Some have tried to remain above the fray, however. For instance, James Dobson - former CEO of Focus On The Family Inc., and now proprietor of Movies For Men, a production company whose releases feature "robust young men who've made good life choices" - thinks the whole brouhaha is an unnecessary distraction.
"Why do we need to label a film just because it features hundreds of sinewy, mostly naked men in leather loin coverings, or buff Greek gods with British accents, or a tall, strapping Adonis with a giant hammer he lets hang down between his legs?" asked Dobson, his eyes fixated on the trailer to this summer's reboot of Conan The Barbarian, starring shirtless Baywatch hunk Jason Momoa, playing on his laptop computer.
"Um ... would you excuse me for four minutes?" he added, retreating hurriedly to his "private casting office" with the laptop in hand.
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