Friday | May 24, 2013
MOST EMAILED
CAUGHT ON FILM
@PopeFrancis #RedMeatFridays
One unmarried Catholic expresses her displeasure at the new Pope's very Catholic views.
FROM THE VAULT
May 25, 2007
Steroid Scandal Costs Rocky ChampionshipSteroid Scandal Costs Rocky Championship
Fake Advertisement

ROYAL FAMILY

Behind The Veil: Kate Middleton, Bridezilla

Behind The Veil: Kate Middleton, Bridezilla

LONDON (CAP) - Now that the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is over, attendees of the event have begun to come forward with insight from behind the scenes of the wedding which broke internet records for live streaming.

CAP News reporters secured an exclusive interview, on the condition of anonymity, with a young woman who has been confirmed to have served as an attendant to Kate before she left for Westminster Abbey. The woman says that Kate was no different from many other brides in that she did experience a brief moment of cold feet.

"Someone sent her a picture of David Beckham arriving at Westminster Abbey," said the source. "And, well, he looked particularly delicious in his tuxedo. Really, it would make anyone think twice."

The source further said that Kate saw the picture and reported feeling dizzy. Middleton then grasped her sister Pippa's hand and said, "Oh my God, what am I doing?"

"She started to freak out about William," the source continued. "She was carrying on about how he was going bald and how he has that really long nose. Then she made a comment about his big teeth and yelled that she was marrying a man who looked like a horse," the source added. "She said something about how cute he used to be, back when they were in college, but that he's not aging well.

"Then she looked again at the picture of David Beckham and started to cry," the source added. "She just kept looking at Becks and saying, Look at him! He's perfect."

According to the source, that's when Pippa pointed out that Beckham is already married and that seemed to help Kate regain her composure. The source said Pippa did what any Maid of Honor would do: she held her sister's hand and reminded her that "once you have children, you'll be less of a catch yourself, you know, with the stretch marks and leftover baby weight and whatnot."

She told Kate that she was as beautiful as she was ever going to be, so she "might as well bag Wills while [she] could."

"It really was a touching moment between the sisters," the source noted.

Reports that Prince William also had a moment of uncertainty have been confirmed as lip readers worked to decode the many whispers among the royals during the ceremony. At one point, the groom was seen leaning over and saying something undistinguishable to his brother and Best Man, Prince Harry.

Lip readers confirm that Harry replied back to William, "Dude, she's hot." Prince William then nodded, said, "Right," and took his place to begin the nuptials.

Sources behind the scenes at Buckingham Palace, where the reception was held, remain tight-lipped about the evening's festivities, although word has it that in the days leading up to the wedding, Kate Middleton sat down with Prince Harry and told him he was not to hook up with her sister, despite Harry's argument that the Best Man hooking up with the Maid of Honor is "a really awesome tradition."

- CAP News Staff
[COMMENT]
MORE world NEWS
Rolex Submariner
bobswatches.com
Fake Advertisement

SponsoredTweets referral badge

  • Banner Stands
    » Browse banner stands by Post-Up Stand. Trade Show Displays, Retractable Banner Displays, and more. High quality, 48 hour turnaround time!
  • Prom Dresses 2013
    » Searching for the perfect dress to wear on your big night? Take a look from these styles who top the best-dressed lists all the time!
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2013 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
The UN has awarded North Korea Most Angry Nation status, elevating the Asian state alongside the likes of Syria, Iran and Israel. The new standing affords Kim Jong Un complimentary anger management counseling as well as a coupon for a free hug from a world leader of his choice. «» Venezuela has devalued its currency for the fifth time in nine years on word that the country is facing a shortage of talented prostitutes on the streets. Tourism officials fear a dip in the nation's hooker quality index following the death of president Hugo Chavez could permanently damage their industry. «» The State Department is planning to send Dr. Phil to North Korea to see if he can determine "what has Kim Jong-un's panties all in bunch." Critics counter that the U.S. should send Steve Wilkos so if talking doesn't work, he can simply "pound the living shit" out of Kim. «» Christians the world over are breathing a sigh of relief today after violence between Muslims and Buddhists in Indonesia left eight dead. "Naturally we don't want to see anyone get hurt," said the Christians. "But have to admit, it's nice to see the Muslims killing someone else for a change." «» Caroline Kennedy has accepted President Obama's appointment as U.S. ambassador to Japan, asking him, "Is that the place that keeps trying to blow us up?" He assured her it was not, telling CAP News, "We're definitely scraping the bottom of the Kennedy gene pool here. At least it's only Japan." «» Secretary of State John Kerry has returned from his first trip to the Middle East with promises from world leaders, t-shirts for cabinet members, and lots of memories. "I got to witness my first car bombing and cricket game riot back to back," Kerry said. "Really gets the blood pumping." «» President Obama is condemning North Korea's threat to launch a nuclear attack against the U.S., saying the government's right to attack its own citizens does not extend to other countries. "However, should you happen to bomb the Disney studios where Shake It Up is filmed, we won't complain," he added. «» Tiger Woods has accepted Sergio Garcia's apology for his racist fried chicken comment, saying, "It's okay, because I actually really like fried chicken. And I'm not really black. In fact, I'm more Asian than anything. So if you want to insult me, you should use fried rice, not fried chicken." «» Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries has caved to the backlash against his discriminatory marketing, saying he will open a new store called Abercrombie & Fatso. "I'm telling you right now, plus sizes means plus prices," he said. "But I think if anyone can make fat people cool, it's me." «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «»
The UN has awarded North Korea Most Angry Nation status, elevating the Asian state alongside the likes of Syria, Iran and Israel. The new standing affords Kim Jong Un complimentary anger management counseling as well as a coupon for a free hug from a world leader of his choice. «» Venezuela has devalued its currency for the fifth time in nine years on word that the country is facing a shortage of talented prostitutes on the streets. Tourism officials fear a dip in the nation's hooker quality index following the death of president Hugo Chavez could permanently damage their industry. «» The State Department is planning to send Dr. Phil to North Korea to see if he can determine "what has Kim Jong-un's panties all in bunch." Critics counter that the U.S. should send Steve Wilkos so if talking doesn't work, he can simply "pound the living shit" out of Kim. «» Christians the world over are breathing a sigh of relief today after violence between Muslims and Buddhists in Indonesia left eight dead. "Naturally we don't want to see anyone get hurt," said the Christians. "But have to admit, it's nice to see the Muslims killing someone else for a change." «» Caroline Kennedy has accepted President Obama's appointment as U.S. ambassador to Japan, asking him, "Is that the place that keeps trying to blow us up?" He assured her it was not, telling CAP News, "We're definitely scraping the bottom of the Kennedy gene pool here. At least it's only Japan." «» Secretary of State John Kerry has returned from his first trip to the Middle East with promises from world leaders, t-shirts for cabinet members, and lots of memories. "I got to witness my first car bombing and cricket game riot back to back," Kerry said. "Really gets the blood pumping." «» President Obama is condemning North Korea's threat to launch a nuclear attack against the U.S., saying the government's right to attack its own citizens does not extend to other countries. "However, should you happen to bomb the Disney studios where Shake It Up is filmed, we won't complain," he added. «» Tiger Woods has accepted Sergio Garcia's apology for his racist fried chicken comment, saying, "It's okay, because I actually really like fried chicken. And I'm not really black. In fact, I'm more Asian than anything. So if you want to insult me, you should use fried rice, not fried chicken." «» Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries has caved to the backlash against his discriminatory marketing, saying he will open a new store called Abercrombie & Fatso. "I'm telling you right now, plus sizes means plus prices," he said. "But I think if anyone can make fat people cool, it's me." «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «»