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INT'L POLITICS
Obama Names George W Bush Top Advisor On Libya
WASHINGTON (CAP) - Faced with mounting criticism over his decision to commit American troops to the international military action against Moammar Gadhafi in Libya, President Barack Obama has tapped former President George W. Bush to serve as his primary advisor on the conflict.
"We are assigning U.S. forces to a dangerous mission in a Muslim nation that poses no real threat to us, but whose instability could mire us in an expensive, pointless conflict for years to come," said Obama. "I though, who knows more about that than President Bush?"
Bush, reached by CAP News at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, admitted he was surprised when he first got the call.
"But that's mainly because when Laura said Obama was on the phone, I got him mixed up with Osama again," said Bush, chuckling. "When I first retired, [Bin Laden] used to call and taunt me sometimes ... Still want me dead or alive, you dumb infidel? - that kind of thing. But it turned out to be [former White House press secretary] Scotty McClellan trying to gaslight me."
But Bush said he was more than happy to heed the current president's call, saying he's already offered Obama some advice on the situation in Libya.
"For one thing, I would have declared Mission Accomplished days ago," said Bush. "Then I would have gone on vacation for a few weeks, you know, just to keep everybody distracticated."
Bush also advised Obama to start wearing a flight suit whenever possible. "A nice green one with the belts and straps and all the doohickeys," said Bush. "America loves doohickeys."
He then added, "I still wear mine around the ranch sometimes and give the cattle little inspirational decitations. We have seen the end of major grazing operations! That kind of thing."
Bush's appointment as an Obama advisor has prompted criticism from some quarters, however, including from another former president, Bill Clinton.
"People don't seem to remember that President Bush grossly mishandled the Iraq war, and is on record as having completely forgotten about it for a period of several months during his presidency," noted Clinton. "And he's been a huge disappointment to his father, my best friend."
"Well, I might have asked President Clinton to advise me, but the last time he accompanied the secretary of state to Libya he wound up disappearing for hours with Mr. Gadhafi's Ukrainian nurse," noted President Obama, adding that Clinton's suggestion that Gadhafi and his nurse might want to take part in his bi-partisan nude summit didn't help matters.
"I'm confident that President Bush's unique experience will help us move in the right direction in Libya," Obama continued. "For instance, when he was in office he was very decisive, whereas naming him an advisor is the only actual decision I've made in months."
"I'm just hoping if I do a good job, Obama'll make me commissioner of baseball," said Bush, apparently unaware that team owners appoint the commissioner, despite the fact that he once owned the Texas Rangers.
"Well, I was more of a figurehead when it came to the Rangers," Bush said when confronted. "Dick Cheney made most of the decisions."
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