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Palin Misspelled Name On Trademark Application
WASHINGTON (CAP) - Sarah Palin's latest attempt to fortify her personal brand took a deleterious twist this week when officials with the United States Patent and Trademark Office revealed that she actually misspelled her name on the application she filed to trademark Sarah Palin. As a result, the 2012 presidential candidate hopeful now owns the rights to Sarah Pallin.
"Admittedly, we were kind of surprised when we received the application, which people typically file to protect their intellectual property," said USPTO spokesperson Ernie Jarvis. "The key term there being intellectual. When we saw the two L's we assumed it was somebody else."
The news comes in the wake of a report that claimed Palin's trademark bid was denied because she had forgotten to sign the request, an announcement that USPTO officials now admit was fabricated to hide the real reason. "We were just trying to save her some embarassment yet remain in the realm of plausibilty," said Jarvis.
"Gotta admit, sometimes it's tough to invent stuff that Palin does that's any stranger than what she really does," added Jarvis.
In an attempt to confirm the mistake, CAP News called the Palin residence and asked to speak with Sarah Pallin only to be hung up on multiple times, with the woman who answered the phone mumbling something about the "wiseacre liberal media" on our third and last try. CAP News finally caught up with the former governor while she was skinning some roadkill to make a stew for the local homeless shelter.
"Whaddya mean my name doesn't have two L's?" Palin asked as she cut off chunks of gristle from the animal carcass and offered everyone in her camera crew a piece. "See, we don't go for your fancy big-city chewing gum up here in Alaska; we prefer to live off the land - or in this case, the road. We always say, use what the good Lord left behind, yes indeedie.
"So, umm, does Todd know our name doesn't have two L's anymore?" Palin asked.
Political analysts have begun weighing in on Palin's new dual name convention, with some saying the strategy could backfire if supporters split between backing Palin versus Pallin. Others say calling it a strategy lends to the idea of the whole thing having been done on purpose, something most agree is probably a little too advanced for the Tea Party.
"I think our country and the 2012 presidential race are best served if Palin just gets the L outta there," noted one pundit.
Meanwhile, USPTO officials confirmed that Bristol Palin's attempt to trademark her name also hit a roadblock when the department's document scanning machine was unable to process the paperwork because the responses were illegibly scribbled in green crayon. "Plus she had I 'heart' Levi doodled all over the place," said Jarvis.
Both Palin and her daughter say they plan to re-file their applications as soon as they can get their hands on some #2 pencils and a big pink eraser because "we found it's easier to erase mistakes in pencil than to white-out over them."