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INT'L POLITICS
Egypt Agrees To Appear On Steve Wilkos Show
CAIRO, Egypt (CAP) - As civilian unrest continues to tear apart Egypt and much of the world finds itself at a loss to help put an end to the upheaval, the North African nation is looking toward an unusual ally to try to settle the political dispute. American daytime TV talk host Steve Wilkos says the country has agreed to appear on his show to discuss their differences.
"It doesn't matter whether it's a mother whose child is being abused by her ex, two brothers who slept with the same woman, or a country in political turmoil two decades in the making," said Wilkos. "Our show has a proven track record of bringing offending parties together and facilitating the heated discourse necessary to get both sides to open up with the truth.
"Then and only then will we get to the heart of what's eating at Egypt," Wilkos noted.
The episode, entitled Hosni Mubarak Is My Baby Daddy, will feature not only the embattled president himself, but also a handful of his deposed cabinet members and any citizen who can make it out of the country alive to get to Wilkos' Stamford, Conn. studios. Show producers plan to beef up security a bit in case things get out of hand.
"I don't know that anyone is really going to come forward and claim that Hosni is their child's father," said Wilkos. "I mean, it'd be great if they did, but we were just looking for a catchy title. We thought Poverty, Unemployment & Government Corruption In A 21st Century Egypt was a little dry for our purposes.
"More accurate, perhaps, but dry," Wilkos added.
Reaction to the news has been mixed, with a spokesperson from the state department telling CAP News, "Steve who?" and sources close to the president inquiring how to go about getting tickets to be in the live studio audience if he's planning to be in the Chicago area. However, Republican party leaders expressed concern over the approach, citing Wilkos' sketchy track record on international diplomacy matters.
"It was just last month that twins Shaniqua and Fasiqua appeared on the show to do paternity tests on their babies and even though both came back positive to Ricky, Ricky wasn't playing that," said Rep. Thaddeus McCotter (R-MI). "Not only did he not man up, but after the commercial break he admitted he's been dogging their moms the whole time.
"The world can't afford a surprise like that from Egypt," McCotter added. "As such, we strongly recommend that President Obama consider engaging the talents of the more qualified Dr Phil to help resolve this."
Despite the potentially positive news, rioting and looting continued on the streets of Egypt as citizens learned that not only are Twitter, BlackBerry and Facebook blocked, but MySpace as well. However, thanks to a new iPhone app that lets users talk to each other, rioters were able to coordinate their pillaging across multiple cities.
"If only I hadn't thrown away all those AOL CD's, we'd all be able to talk in the Egyptians4Revolution chatroom," said one looter as he burned down the only grocery store within 20 miles, thus ensuring his family would not eat for at least a week. "But that's okay because I will just forward some funny Photoshopped pictures of President Mubarak to my friends instead."
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