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WASHINGTON (CAP) - As President Obama and his family returned to Washington from their extended vacation in Hawaii, they were greeted by a huge pile of overflowing mail and nearly two weeks' worth of newspapers cluttered around the front door to the White House. With arms full of luggage and vacation knick-knacks, the president fumbled for his keys as he kicked the newspapers aside.
"I mean, what the hell," said a clearly exasperated Obama as he and his family stumbled through the front door. "All I asked him to do was check the damn mail every couple of days. Nothing says hey, we're not home like the stupid newspapers piled up against the house."
Michelle Obama confirmed that before the First Family left for their holiday vacation, they did drop off a key with Biden, who said he would keep an eye on the house while they were gone. CAP News caught up with the vice president as he and three Secret Service agents were hooking up the new 60-inch plasma TV that wife Jill got him for Christmas.
"Oh snap, that was last week?" asked Biden as one agent showed him how to work the remote. "Was the Senate in session last week? Maybe I'll tell him we were just swamped with meetings and votes and stuff. Was he really mad? I'll just have Jill call Michelle later; the women can work it out.
"Right now you gotta check this out - look at this," added Biden. "Picture in picture, baby! How sweet is that?"
As Michelle and Barack went from room to room turning up the thermostats, they realized that the same lights were still on throughout the White House as had been on when they left on back on December 21. With a shake of the head and the infamous presidential eye-roll reserved for all public statements and actions made by the vice president, Obama noted that at least the place wasn't trashed like it was after their trip to Paris last summer.
"I knew I should have picked up a couple of those light switch timers," Obama said as their dog Bo came running to greet them. "Family Dollar has them pretty cheap, too. Dammit. I need to learn to trust my gut."
"Dad, the dog smells like pee," said daughter Sasha, scrunching up her nose. "I think we should make him go sleep over at Uncle Joe's."
Despite their obvious disappointment at the lack of house-sitting while they were gone, the Obamas said they had a fantastic vacation and feel very refreshed and ready to tackle the new year. The president said it's nice to get away and "forget about Afghanistan and all those people without jobs and stuff" for a little while.
"And if you're gonna pick some place to say where you were born and grew up, you could certainly do worse than Hawaii," said Obama. "Massachusetts and that foot of snow? Nigga, please. Why would anyone want to live there?
"Of course, don't, uhh, tell my friends in Chicago I said that," Obama added.
At that point the family split up and went to their rooms to unpack. Another successful vacation in the books, complete with lessons learned on how to make next month's vacation even better.
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