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PENTAGON
New "Don't Ask" Policy To Focus On Race, Gender
ARLINGTON, Va. (CAP) - With the successful repeal of the controversial "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) law that had limited gays from serving openly in the military comes word that opponents are mounting a new effort aimed at implementing a similar policy to encompass a variety of stipulations - including race, religion, and gender.
"Once we got that ruling from the Senate, we knew we had the right - no, the responsibility - to try to protect our military from things that regular soldiers might find objectionable," said DADT spokesperson Gen. George Lacey. "And by regular soldiers I mean, of course, white, straight, Christian guys."
According to the new policy being drafted by the Pentagon, any U.S. soldier who openly admits to being black, a woman, or more than three dozen other characteristics will be immediately dismissed from their military post. In addition, any regular soldier who has reason to beleive that someone serving alongside him is black or a woman or any of the other attributes is required to report that person to their superior officer or it could mean dismissal for them as well.
"The more we started thinking about it, the more we realized that it's not just the queers we have a problem with," said Gen. James Ames. "A lot of our guys don't like the blacks. Or Native Americans. Or Jews. Or Women. And we need our regular soldiers focused on the tasks at hand, not dealing with people who live the Jewish or female lifestyle.
"Our attitude is - if you want to be black, Jewish, or a woman in the privacy of your own home, that's fine," Ames added. "But we don't want you flaunting it in our faces or shoving it down our throats."
The new policy could take effect as early as next month and would essentially mean that soliders in the United States Armed Forces will be prohibited from revealing to anyone if their race is anything but white, their religion is anything but Christian, and their gender is anything but male. Supporters say "it's about damn time."
"I mean really, if you don't like Asians, how are you supposed to work side-by-side with a so-called Asian-American? You can't, that's how," said Col. Brad Walsh. "We need to support these guys by making it illegal for people who are of a race, religion, or gender that they don't like from admitting it - thereby saving them from any feelings of discomfort. It's in the best interests of all involved."
However, those who had fought against the original DADT law enacted by President Clinton in 1993 are also coming out against this new policy, saying it serves only to move society backward rather than continue the advances made by repealing DADT. The Soldiers Equal Rights Council has launched a public awareness campaign aimed at keeping the new policy from seeing the light of day.
"How the hell could someone who is black or a woman not tell that they are black or a woman?" said SERC spokesperson Tracy Youthers. "These people are morons - from WMDs to DADT, it's a miracle we haven't been annexed by Canada yet."
"I guess the women will just have to start taping down their jugs," said Walsh in response. "But I'm not really sure what the black guys are going to do. That one's going to be pretty tough to hide."
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