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SPECIAL REPORT
Laura Bush Backs Bullies, Tells Kids To Man Up
BOSTON (CAP) - In an exclusive sit-down interview with CAP News, former First Lady Laura Bush got pretty well soused and talked candidly about her recent anti-bullying efforts, saying she understands where bullies are coming from and that kids these days "really just need to man up."
"You know what, bullies are people too, and they have feelings and they have insecurities," Bush said as she downed what must have been her fifth cocktail during last week's CAP News Liquid Lunch Thursday. "Who's speaking for the bullies? Who, huh? Who? Not the Democrats, that's for sure."
Laura Bush went on to say that bullies can grow up to become productive members of society if given the chance, and pointed to her husband's choice of Dick Cheney for vice president as a prime example. "And here's a guy who shoots people and doesn't even apologize," she noted. "Other than almost dying from, you know, all those bullets in his face, ole Harry didn't go and try to kill himself."
Before she passed out on the couch in the CAP News lobby, Bush also lamented the extinction of the classic bully, "you know, back when bullies actually had to be tough." She said groups like the Bully Conservation Trust are working to restore the dignity and essence of bullying.
"Posting a picture on the Internet? How is that being a bully?" said BCT President Tom Wilson, who played Biff Tannen in the 1985 movie, Back To The Future. "Shoving someone's head in a toilet and flushing it half a dozen times - that's being a bully."
Wilson said BCT is sponsoring programs around the country to help kids who want to be bullies learn "how to do it right." Depending on age and level of experience, seminars cover things like the art of the wedgie, locker stuffing, and how to smoosh an ice cream into someone's hair for maximum effect.
"Giving a noogie or a wet willy, hocking loogies and spit balls - we got it all," noted Wilson. "Being a good bully actually takes a little effort and finesse, and I think we've lost that somewhere along the way."
Despite efforts seemingly to the contrary, BCT has condemned recent acts against homosexuals, saying that true bullies don't discriminate because "lunch money is lunch money, no matter who you steal it from." While this appears to fly in the face of comments made by Laura Bush, CAP News reminds its readers that she was drunk at the time of making those comments.
"What exactly did I say?" asked Bush when she eventually came to. "You know, when Barbara and Jenna were younger and they wanted to pick on girls from school, I had to put my foot down. I told them, there is no way you're going to sit inside on such a beautiful day and make prank phone calls.
"If you want to bully someone, you go outside and get some fresh air and do it," Bush added. "I think we'd all be in much better shape if parents just made their kids go outside more often."
Bush said she plans to team up with BCT to launch the Bullying Done Right public awareness campaign, which kicks off in six major metropolitan cities early next year. Any school interested in hosting the program can contact Laura Bush via CAP News any Thursday between 12pm and 1pm ET, although the earlier the better.
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