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Pediameth This Year's Top Halloween Treat
CARSON CITY, Nev. (CAP) - Move aside Candy Corn and Baby Ruth: this year's most popular Halloween treat is sure to be Pediameth, a children's version of the popular street drug crystal meth. The National Institute For The Study Of Halloween Candy (NISHC) made the announcement as part of their yearly look at popular Halloween candy.
"They just rolled this stuff out in September and it took off," said NISHC Senior Associate Leroy Solomon. "The kids, they are loving it! Stores can't keep it on the shelves, and kids are so hooked, they're willing to trade Nintendo Wii time and Justin Bieber concert tickets to get more.
"Maybe it's kind of cliche to use the word addicted when it comes to something like this, but heck yeah, I think they're addicted," Solomon added.
Sociologists say the idea of providing children something fun to "take the edge off" is not preposterous, given the pressures that children face in this day and age. McGill University Sociology Chair Lenore Bellevue says that like adults, kids are stressed out, depressed and need to escape sometimes.
"Adults have all kinds of ways to escape - drinking and driving, unprotected sex with strangers, huffing paint thinner," said Bellevue. "But kids really haven't had a good escape vehicle until now. Pediameth is genius. I predict that it will not only be the top treat at Halloween, but it will also top Christmas and Hanukkah lists and fill up Easter baskets for years to come."
While indications are that children around the world seem to be excited about their drug-fueled futures, not all adults are as supportive. The Parents First community activist group has already come out publicly against the new treat.
"Halloween is supposed to be a celebration of death and monsters, not an excuse for youngsters to start drugging it up," said Parents First spokeswoman Phyllis Green. "It was bad enough when they were stuffing their faces with Tootsie Rolls and running around on sugar highs for weeks on end, but now they're going to be hooked on meth?
"I mean, I know it's not full-fledged LA Glass we're talking about," Green added, "but I don't know, something about it just doesn't seem right."
Pediameth manufacturer, pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline, released a statement in response to the Parents First concerns, countering that their product is "just helping kids grow up."
"By the time they're 12, most kids will have been drunk, stoned, baked, lifted, jammed, and frothed," said GSK media specialist Ernie Mason. "We're just adding tweaked to the list.
"It's going to happen sooner or later," noted Mason. "Our feeling is, might as well be sooner than later."
Like any candy that kids get while trick-or-treating, GSK advises parents to always check over the individually wrapped pieces of Pediameth that children come home with to make sure the packages haven't been tampered with in any way.
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