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LOS ANGELES (CAP) - Following the chart-topping success of his recent hit singles, I'll Burn The House Up and (You Need A) Bat Upside The Head, Mel Gibson has inked a deal with Time Life to produce a compilation of all his classic audio recordings plus a few new unreleased tracks. Mel Gibson: Unhinged is due in stores by late next week.
"This is over six hours of pure, unadulterated emotion - uncut, uncensored, and unbelievable," said pop culture critic Elayne Rapping. "Any fan of celebrity anger would be remiss not to own this box set. Mel has earned his spot on the shelf right alongside such greats as Hugh Grant, Alec Baldwin and Michael Richards."
The compilation is indeed a classic in the making, following Gibson's seething hatred from its early days freestyling with police on the streets of Malibu to more refined courtroom outbursts during his divorce proceedings to the minted perfection of his Tony award-deserving misogyny. Contemporaries say this is the role Gibson was born to play.
"You can practically see the veins popping out on his neck as you listen to Mentally Deprived Idiot, which segues seemlessly right into Fucking Using Whore," said CAP News Entertainment Editor Greta Von Cistern. "And you can just smell the alcohol on his breath as you listen to the heavy breathing between tracks. Gibson has cemented his legacy, without a doubt."
Sources close to Gibson say the former A-list and now recently deposed B-list actor is "very excited" about the project and is planning a tour to accompany the new release. His publicist tells CAP News that while the father of eight will entertain offers from the national talk show circuit, he'd really prefer to land some smaller venues like colleges, high school assemblies, and battered women's discussion groups.
"When he performs The Jacuzzi Fight live, he takes you there without ever having to leave your seat," said Von Cistern. "You not only feel belittled and humiliated, but compelled. Compelled to give him that oral sex he so desperately seeks. You can't help but think that everything will be okay if you just blow him."
In addition to the many singles that have already become classics, Unhinged also contains three new recordings that will undoubtedly rank among the masterpieces of our time. They include a conversation with his neighbor entitled Give Me Back My Fucking Lawnmower!, another with a delivery guy called This Pizza's Fucking Cold! and the astounding soliloquy, Why Is Everyone Such A Fucking Idiot?.
In related news, someone purporting to be Mel Gibson posted a listing in the Los Angeles section of Craigslist under the Skilled Trade Services section seeking "A Nice Woman To Look After My Beautiful Daughter." The posting promises not having to "worry about emotional blackmail" but does mention that making her own bed is a requirement.
The new box set is available via pre-order at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and all Baby Gap outlets. The first 500 pre-orders also come with a wife-beater t-shirt signed by Mel himself and an authentication certificate with an attached coupon for a free 100% Black Angus Beef Thickburger at participating Hardee's restaurants.
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