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LOS ANGELES (CAP) - John Mayer's penis, whom the singer compared to Klu Klux Klan leader David Duke and described as "sort of like a white supremacist" in his now-infamous Playboy interview, is suing Mayer for $3.1 million, claiming defamation and emotional distress.
"My client feels he was grossly mischaracterized by Mr. Mayer," said John Mayer's penis's attorney, Alan Schwartzbaum of Greenberg, Glusker and Associates of Los Angeles. "The reality of the situation is that my client doesn't have a racist bone in his, well, you know.
"Given the opportunity, my client says he would be more than happy to associate with women of color, an opportunity denied him by Mr. Mayer," said Schwartzbaum. "He'd particularly like to know if Halle Berry is available."
The suit filed by John Mayer's penis is only the latest blow to the singer, who has come under fire from all fronts in the wake of his "raw" remarks to Playboy. For instance, his comments on former girlfriend Jessica Simpson have drawn criticism from John Mayer's mother, Margaret Mayer.
"I did not raise my son to say things like, I want to quit my life and just (expletive) snort you, or If you charged me $10,000 to (expletive) you, I would start selling all my (expletive) just to keep (expletive) you," said Margaret Mayer, reading from a prepared statement at a press conference in Bridgeport, Conn. "He is in big trouble when he comes home for Purim."
"I also think he was very unfair to his penis," added Margaret Mayer.
Simpson, whom John Mayer also referred to as "sexual napalm," has yet to comment, although Church & Dwight Co., Inc., of Princeton, N.J. is rumored to be rushing into production with "Jessica Simpson's Sexual Napalm," a type of "warming lubricant," according to a company press release.
The product is the first that Simpson has personally endorsed since the disastrous recall of "Jessica Simpson Suds & Studs Baby Shampoo" in 2006, one of several missteps leading doctors to order the singer/actress to rest her brain.
Mayer's other former girlfriend, actress Jennifer Aniston, declined to comment on the interview, saying that she hasn't spoken to Mayer since April of 2009, although she has kept in touch with his penis.
Mayer, for his part, has since apologized for his Playboy rant, specifically for his use of the "n-word," which he said he was trying to "intellectualize" by mentioning it in the same context as his white supremacist penis.
Mayer said tearfully from the stage in Nashville that he had gone "into a wormhole of selfishness and greediness and arrogance ... sort of like the Bajoran wormhole of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine."
He then paused thoughtfully for a minute before adding, "Man, I'd really love to (expletive) one of those alien women, if only my penis would let me. Wait, did I just say that out loud?" Then his penis requested another $2 million in damages.