- Girl Scouts: The Silent Killers
- Ray Lewis Named New Pope
- John Edwards Admits Fathering Clay Aiken's Baby
New Contraceptive Pill Works For Up To 13 Years
LONDON (CAP) - A new contraceptive pill previously available only by prescription in England could soon be making its way across the ocean, pending FDA approval. The new birth control pill nowanatal takibakate reportedly works for up to 13 years following unprotected sex that results in pregnancy.
"We're really pleased to see the U.S. on the verge of allowing women the opportunity to terminate planned or unplanned pregnancies, even if it takes them years to realize they made a mistake," said Dr. Nikki Hall of the Family Planning and Well Woman Services Dean Terrace Centre. "Society will be the better for it."
Until now, birth control pills on the market were only effective for a few days after having unprotected sex, leaving women vulnerable not only to pregnancy but also a lifetime of parenting if they waffled on whether or not take the pill. But proponents of the new drug say it affords women the opportunity to "test the waters" and determine if parenting is right for them.
"Everyone told me I should have stopped at two, but I didn't listen," said Tess Bauer, a Boston-area mother of three. "The past six years have been very challenging to say the least, but thanks to this pill, I expect the next dozen to go by a lot easier!"
Nowanatal takibakate will be sold by the European pharmaceutical company HRA Pharma under the brand name Mulligan™. The company is already planning an aggressive marketing campaign in the U.S. once it obtains FDA approval which will be centered around its popular slogan, "Made a mistake? Take a Mulligan™!" But not everyone is behind the new remedy.
"If we took this pill, we wouldn't be Mothers Against Everything, we would just be Women Against Everything," said MAE spokesperson Darlene Fortenski. "And then who would we be overprotective of?"
Fortenski pointed to the lower membership numbers of MAE's sister group for childless couples, Wives Against Stuff Our Husbands Do, as proof that children are needed to help advance their cause. "Plus I hate doing dishes," she added.
However, many say just the knowledge of the pill could be enough to set incorrigible youth on the straight and narrow as they realize the jig could be up with the next swig of water. Vocal supporter Dr. Phil McGraw notes the pill could spell the end of comparative parenting - wherein a child's behavior is matched against contemporaries such as Asians for schoolwork or starving third world nations for vegetable eating habits - by simply threatening their very existence.
"You think taking away their Nintendo DS is an effective form of punishment? Wait 'till you try this," said Dr. Phil on a recent episode of his program. "Up next we'll meet Missy Ollivette, who up until last week was a single mother of six pre-teen devil spawn - and now she parties like it's 1999. After the break."
Researchers say clinical trials of nowanatal takibakate did result in some side effects affecting less than one percent of test subjects, including feelings of emptiness followed by a wave of euphoria. However, most reported merely feeling a sense of relief.