Saturday | April 19, 2014
MOST EMAILED
CAUGHT ON FILM
@StephenElop #NoPulloutKeyboard
The new Nokia Lumia S7 Smart Pinky Ring
FROM THE VAULT
April 19, 2007
Clinton Allocates Campaign Funds For Breast AugmentationClinton Allocates Campaign Funds For Breast Augmentation
Fake Advertisement

GOLF

Add Phil Mickelson To Growing List Of Tiger Affairs
Golfer Phil Mickelson struts his stuff for close friend Tiger Woods during a 2004 tournament.
Add Phil Mickelson To Growing List Of Tiger Affairs

ORLANDO, Fla. (CAP) - As women around the country continue to come forward and acknowledge having had flings with Tiger Woods, the saga took a strange twist today when word leaked that fellow PGA golfer Phil Mickelson also may have engaged in a sexual relationship with the embattled superstar.

"It's true," said a source close to Woods who asked not to be identified. "Phil and Tiger were more than just friends, and more than just co-workers. They were lovers, and nor were they ashamed of it.

"As far as Tiger's concerned, for at least five years, Phil was the only man who regripped his club's shaft, if you know what I mean," added the source.

According to the source, the affair began after Woods caught a glimpse of a nude Mickelson emerging from the shower in the locker room at the Augusta National Golf Club following his 2002 Masters victory. That led to an off-the-cuff discussion about how long to wait to remove the flag from the hole when putting from the green.

Add Phil Mickelson To Growing List Of Tiger Affairs

"Tiger got one look a those luscious man boobs of Phil's and knew he just had to get his hands on them," said the source. "Before we all knew it, Tiger had a hole in one, and Phil had a hole in two."

For their parts, both Woods and Mickelson have declined comment. However, Mickelson's publicist told CAP News during a phone interview that the claim was "unequivocably false" and that the golfer has never had anything more than a professional relationship with Woods.

"Why would Tiger say something like this?" publicist Francis McDevish said. "I tihnk it's obvious that he is just a sexual freak of nature and he must think he can shift some attention off himself by dragging Phil into his dark black hole.

"Phil doesn't even really like Tiger," added McDevish. "Not to mention that he's also not gay, bisexual or bi-curious. It's sad, actually. Sad."

Now linked to more than a dozen women along with Mickelson, rumors are beginning to surface that Woods may have engaged in a three-way with Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy backstage at the Muppets Family Christmas Show that he hosted in 1999.

"I'm not confirming or denying, but I will say that in 1999, Tiger was a single man, so anything he or we may have done would have been completely okay," said Kermit. "Also, do you think it's odd that Miss Piggy's safe word is bacon? I think it's totally weird. Goodnight everybody! Yaaaaay!"


- CAP News Staff

MORE sports NEWS
Fake Advertisement


Advertise Here

    ALL MATERIAL IS

    SATIRE

    AND ©2005-2014 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
    Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has signed a deal to appear in every commercial that will air during the Super Bowl, plus a few beforehand. "Who doesn't want Peyton's face on their product? Dude's the new Tom Brady," said one pundit. "I guess that makes Tom the new Tim Tebow." «» Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman could miss the Super Bowl after receiving a concussion while trying to squeeze his giant head through a doorway. "When you cram my greatness through a sorry normal door, that's the result you gonna get," he said. "But I'm still better at life than all y'all." «» New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez says he will not appeal his 162-game suspension because he would have only played about 40 games next year anyway. "My body is so damaged from all those steroids that I'd just be on the DL anyhow," he said. "The joke's on them, really." «» The Brooklyn Nets have secured a deal with baby product manufacturer Playtex to provide coach Jason Kidd with a supply of sippy cups for his courtside drinks. "Toddlers are tough customers, but Jason will really put to the test just how spill proof our cups are," noted a company spokesperson. «» Six-year-old Boston Red Sox fan Timmy Greene has finally witnessed his beloved team winning the World Series after waiting his entire life for the opportunity. "I never thought I'd live to see this," Timmy said. "To all my two-year-old St. Louis friends: your time will come." «» Following protests over the Washington Redskins' name and subsequent attempts to rename them the Honkeys, the NFL says it will simply replace all team names with numbers. "How do you like them apples, you overly sensitive pansies," said Commissioner Roger Goodell. "Now the Redskins' name will match their game: #2." «» The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have improved to 3-0 versus the staph infection MRSA with the diagnosis of cornerback Johnthan Banks. "We can't win shit on the field, but we're killing this disease," said coach Greg Schiano. "As long as we keep sharing bodily fluids, we'll definitely keep this streak going." «» Google is planning to bring oat bran, flaxseed and other whole grains to 34 cities as part of its burgeoning Google Fiber project. "Muffins, cereal, breads - we aim to keep America regular," said a spokesperson. "Our country may have an obesity epidemic, but we don't have to poop like it." «» After suggesting that learning a trade is a better career choice than an art history degree, President Obama has offered his apologies by delivering coffee and doughnuts to unemployed art history majors. "Chin up, my jobless friends," he said. "This country needs more baristas who can wax poetic about Rembrandt." «» Vietnamese developer Dong Nguyen has released the long-awaited sequel to Flappy Bird with the latest killer app for social media, Flappy Gums. "People like to talk about theirself and my new app give them point for every self-serving comment they make," Nguyen said. "Double point for posting selfie!" «»
    Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has signed a deal to appear in every commercial that will air during the Super Bowl, plus a few beforehand. "Who doesn't want Peyton's face on their product? Dude's the new Tom Brady," said one pundit. "I guess that makes Tom the new Tim Tebow." «» Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman could miss the Super Bowl after receiving a concussion while trying to squeeze his giant head through a doorway. "When you cram my greatness through a sorry normal door, that's the result you gonna get," he said. "But I'm still better at life than all y'all." «» New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez says he will not appeal his 162-game suspension because he would have only played about 40 games next year anyway. "My body is so damaged from all those steroids that I'd just be on the DL anyhow," he said. "The joke's on them, really." «» The Brooklyn Nets have secured a deal with baby product manufacturer Playtex to provide coach Jason Kidd with a supply of sippy cups for his courtside drinks. "Toddlers are tough customers, but Jason will really put to the test just how spill proof our cups are," noted a company spokesperson. «» Six-year-old Boston Red Sox fan Timmy Greene has finally witnessed his beloved team winning the World Series after waiting his entire life for the opportunity. "I never thought I'd live to see this," Timmy said. "To all my two-year-old St. Louis friends: your time will come." «» Following protests over the Washington Redskins' name and subsequent attempts to rename them the Honkeys, the NFL says it will simply replace all team names with numbers. "How do you like them apples, you overly sensitive pansies," said Commissioner Roger Goodell. "Now the Redskins' name will match their game: #2." «» The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have improved to 3-0 versus the staph infection MRSA with the diagnosis of cornerback Johnthan Banks. "We can't win shit on the field, but we're killing this disease," said coach Greg Schiano. "As long as we keep sharing bodily fluids, we'll definitely keep this streak going." «» Google is planning to bring oat bran, flaxseed and other whole grains to 34 cities as part of its burgeoning Google Fiber project. "Muffins, cereal, breads - we aim to keep America regular," said a spokesperson. "Our country may have an obesity epidemic, but we don't have to poop like it." «» After suggesting that learning a trade is a better career choice than an art history degree, President Obama has offered his apologies by delivering coffee and doughnuts to unemployed art history majors. "Chin up, my jobless friends," he said. "This country needs more baristas who can wax poetic about Rembrandt." «» Vietnamese developer Dong Nguyen has released the long-awaited sequel to Flappy Bird with the latest killer app for social media, Flappy Gums. "People like to talk about theirself and my new app give them point for every self-serving comment they make," Nguyen said. "Double point for posting selfie!" «»